Happy Running Boys

It is hard on weeks like this, to not think about Frankie.  It is hard enough on a week that a client dies.  It is hard enough without that in this dread six weeks.  The six weeks between April 1st and May 16th I dread every year.  I am a bit off my game; not at work but when I can relax at home.  It is harder still when that client is so like Levi; in age, in what he plays with and in what he loves.  I am still really raw from this.  I do so much better when death is 'expected' or even 'a blessing'.  I can always say to myself that there is a release in those, even when the death is a child, or even my own beloved son.  This is harder for me to justify in my own skull. 

I dreamed about them both last night; not Frankie and Levi but Frankie and the little guy that died, lets call him John.  It is a strange thing for me to dream at all.  Normally I don't remember dreams and if I do, they are bad dreams, but this was perhaps a gift.  I dreamed about Frankie and John running toward me.  I remember them both smiling and laughing.  I remember that they were running; without weakness, without respiratory distress.  It was just two little laughing boys running.  It was lovely.  Perhaps it was a gift.  Perhaps it was a glimpse into heaven; a heaven without Pulmonary Hemosiderosis or Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy.  That is a heaven that I would strive for.  It reminds me to look at the world the way I looked at it after Frankie's death. 

When Frankie died I found the world almost unbearably beautiful.  I was lonely without him but was able to get real pleasure from things that most people forget to look at.  I found that sunsets were heartbreaking and I could watch the leaves moving in the wind for hours.  I could see beauty in everything, not just the standard things.  After Frank died, I felt that God was so much closer to me, but it wasn't because God was closer but because I had changed and I could feel how close he had always been.  I saw the beauty that had been around me all along.

My God is not the standard one, nor is my heaven.  I am sure of both of those things, but that is about all I am sure of.  I don't see heaven as a place where a ticket collector called Peter cashes in your Jesus card as you pass through, throwing out those without a ticket.  I would never understand that at all.  I can only believe that is not the case.  I can hope that Frankie and John are happily playing together, perhaps with Ethan under the watchful loving eyes of my father and brother.  I will think about that as I go to sleep tonight and maybe, just maybe, I'll look into heaven again tonight, even if it is just my mind leading me there.

Making a Volcano

One of the tasks this weekend, as well as homework, soccer and groceries was to make a volcano and see if it would work for Levi's caveman party in a month or so.  One of my friends at work had told me that you could make a fast and fairly good volcano in a couple of hours (which is all we will have at the party).  It involves building a base from the expanding foam that you use to seal and insulate in your door jams and things.  It has a tube to direct the flow and it is quite fast at drying.  So what you do is make a volcano out of the foam with a plastic disposable cup in the center to contain the lava down the track.  The trick is to remember that it keeps expanding and so you need to use less than you think you do.  The plastic cup will change shape as the foam pushes it around but it still leaves enough space for the 'lava' reaction down the track.  The expanding foam isn't great on bare skin but with the tube directing where it goes, even Levi, at nearly seven, only needed a small amount of hand over hand assistance.  The foam was touch dry in about half an hour and we could spray paint it.

Then we took it outside and spray painted it.  Again, this was easy enough that he could do it all by himself.  We sprayed it brown with the obligatory red at the top for the lava.  I am afraid it looked a lot like a cow pat.  Well it looks like a cow pat from a cow with significant gastrointestinal problems, or the worst case of hemorrhoids that has ever been seen!  Still it looked great!  I had bought quick drying paint, so it took about half an hour and the whole thing was completed.  It will be perfect for Levi's birthday party.  We will be able to make the bases and let them run the lava (probably a few times) before sending them home.  So the next day we had to make the volcano erupt.  It is the simplest reaction and none of the ingredients before or after the reaction are dangerous, so they can make all the mistakes they want and it still will work.  It involves Bicarbonate of Soda in the cup in the center, mix that with about half the amount of dish washing soap.  Then you mix vinegar with red and yellow food coloring and pour this into the cup.  The lava then erupts. 

The rain continues here but has slowed down.  It won't affect our ability to get out this week, much to Levi's disgust.

Drenched and Flooding

Today it rained all day.  It had rained all night too.  I thought that soccer would be cancelled because they are playing on the new fields now and the senior players are fairly precious about them.  I was wrong.  The new fields have better drainage and they were able to play.  They got completely soaked.  They had so much fun!  I remember those games as a kid too.  The games where we got to get wet and dirty and play in the mud, all with encouragement rather than derision.  Those games were the most memorable.  Levi and his mates ran around and were cheered on by parents from random teams as they lost a hard fought 6:5.  All the teams are playing so much better and are really fun to watch now.  OK, it wasn't that much fun to stand in the pouring rain and watch but it was still fun!It was hard to take any photos that reflect the pounding rain, especially as the best I had for the conditions was my underwater camera!

You can see how hard Levi is laughing in this photo.  It is such a blessing to watch these kids have fun and run around like mad things. 

Rocking in a Corner

Today is a bad day.  It is a 'rock in the corner' day and I hate days like this.  I came home and did what I do to 'rock in a corner'.  I played Age of Empires!  It makes me think enough to not be able to think about anything else but not enough to require real thought or emotion.  I am sad and tired.  I am tired of trying to fight something so much bigger than I am.  I can't beat this.  I try and I work hard but I still fail hand over fist and some days it is just that much more obvious than other days.  Today was one of those days that it came up and punched me in the face.

Last night one of my little clients fell over and cut himself.  He isn't much older than Levi, a month or so only.  He needed stitches and wouldn't sit still, so they decided to use a light anaesthetic, an inhaled one.  He died fifteen minutes later.  I so wish, so many things.  I wish that I had been in the room to stop that fatal mistake.  I wish they had checked the app on a phone a mere meter from the bed he lay on, that said unequivocally not to use inhaled anaesthetic given his diagnosis.  I wish that he didn't need the app because he didn't have a diagnosis to begin with.  I love what I do but I love these kids.  I remember his happy face and how it would light up as he saw you.  He had games that just he and I would play and he remembered them in the gaps between our visits.  I remember him humming when I first took him scuba diving because he was so happy.  I didn't know what the noise was and I pulled him to the surface and when I told him why I had surfaced us both, he laughed.

I am feeling bad for other people today too and wish and hope that they find support.  I hope his father finds what he needs and I hope his mother is able to find peace.  I hope that she is able to forgive in the future.  Maybe it isn't possible now, but I hope she can do just that in the future.  No one did anything maliciously, it was an action repeated in thousands of ER's with no ill effect.  Anger only hurts you.  It eats away your insides and it won't help you find peace.  It might help get you through the first few days and weeks but long term, with anger, everyone loses.

I am feeling sorry for a young doctor who is likely also rocking in a corner tonight.  A doctor who will never make that mistake again.  A doctor who will now struggle to come to terms with something; something that is going to haunt his dreams for a very long time.  My thoughts and hopes for peace goes to you too my friend.  Mistakes at McDonalds and someone eats a different hamburger but mistakes in an ER can can be catastrophic.  While we are humans looking after humans, there will be empathy and there will be mistakes.  I can only hope that we all learn from them.  I can only hope that somehow we can change the system enough now to prevent this happening again.

I love you little man.  I will remember you too.  Rest safe.

Lest We Forget

"They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning,
We will remember them."

Today is ANZAC Day.  It is a public holiday for all of those non-Australians out there reading this.  Yes, you two or three people!!  Ninety-seven years ago on this day began one of the bloodiest and most futile campaigns ever fought by our troops.  It was fought almost exclusively by colonial troops and is the day most Australians and Kiwis go and celebrate our military; living and dead.  There is a somber parade in most towns and big ones in each capitol city.  There are services held at war memorials all day, with the most important of those being the dawn services.  The landing at Gallipoli started just predawn and that is why we remember the fallen at that time. 

.Levi marched this year.  He marched as a part of his soccer team, because you can see by his face during the march, he was a little nervous about marching without his mother!  He was going to help lay the wreath at the memorial but at the last minute, they had the bigger kids do it instead.  I think he was just grateful to not have to do anything more than just march.  As his Great-Grandfather fought in World War 1, he could have marched at the front (as could I) but he preferred to march with his friends.  Lindsay Wilson fought mainly in France but was on one of the last boats supposed to be going to land on Gallipoli peninsula, but was turned back because they had ordered the retreat.  He was an ambulance officer.  He held his brother Harry in his arms as he died far from his home in an army hospital on the battlefields of France at the age of 24.  He was different when he came home.  After the war he became a dentist.  Other than that I know little of the man who provides a quarter of my genetics.  He died on my second birthday.  I can only hope that I can show Levi how to be as proud as I am about a man that I know so little! 

It is a beautiful thing to watch the numbers of people grow at these services every year.  In three years it will be big indeed, I suspect.  It will be a big year to be in Turkey too, I suspect!

The rest of the day was about play.  Levi played with a mate for most of the day and then we had soccer practice at four.  It was a quiet fairly relaxed day for me.  Levi's mate was a wild one, so I am not sure how relaxed his day was, but at least he had fun.  They played like mad things on the trampoline and regularly wanted me to video them.  I think it is funny how media oriented this generation is.  They are growing up expecting to be videoed and photographed.  Both at some point said to me; "Can you video me and put it up on Facebook."  They have knowledge of chat rooms and social networking as a part of the very language they use.  They are used to parents watching them, taping them.  They are very happy here to be told to go outside, but it isn't a common occurrence.

One of those Days

Today has been one of those days.  When I read other people's blogs and Facebook posts, I think perhaps that I very alone on these days.  No one else seems to have days like this.  These are the days that I am just over being a parent for a time.  I come home thinking; 'can't you just be grown up already?'  I am tired of having to pick stuff up all the time.  It would be so lovely to just come home and flop down on the couch and not have to do anything for a minute; a second even.  I didn't want to help with homework.  I didn't want to play games.  I didn't want to do anything, but you don't have an option.  No one else seems to write about those days.  Maybe they have partners that take over or at least help on those days.  Maybe they don't have them.  Maybe they are deliriously happy about being a mother all the time.  Maybe they don't have tired day, or cranky days or days that they hurt.  Maybe they have those days and just don't report them.  I don't know about them.

I had a bad afternoon. I had one of those days that no one else has! Levi, of course, just takes it all in his stride. He is very calm about it all. I am just tired I think. Well, and hanging out to get this tooth out as well.

Some of it is that Levi is tired and cranky and needy as well.  He had homework about a rabbit warren and having to make up five rules for the rabbits, so they could get along with each other.  He just looked at me completely blankly.  I suggested that he think about what rules he had at school and at home so that people got along with each other.  His answer?

"I don't have any rules"

Umm, really?  So I said to him;

"So you can go up to another kid at school and punch him and that's OK?"

"Well.  No, of course not"

So his first rule was 'No punching'!  Not quite what I was trying to hint at but close enough.  Sometimes he seems blindingly intelligent and at other times I am dragging out information as if he can barely synapse.  I know that it is likely a subject/fatigue thing but it is frustrating. 

The photos are because I'm sure there haven't been enough 'Sleeping Levi' photos lately and to show where he is now electing to sleep.  Plus to have a look at those beautiful relaxed lips.  He is currently sleeping on the couch.  Don't ask me why.  It is just to do my head in.

Roaring

Finally my computer has turned on!  It has been working poorly again.  I will have to call my friend again and get it fixed again!  Today was a fun one for Levi.  We had a quiet morning but then I got Levi ready for his trip to the Brisbane Roar grand final.  Levi was going to the first grade soccer and better still, he was going with Sam.  Sam is his twenty year old cousin.  Now he was going with my brother, sister-in-law and some of their other children, but according to Levi he was going with Sam.  The rest of the family wasn't as important to him.  I drove out to drop him off and there was a flock of cockatoos on the road.  I know that Australia does big and bad and really, really poisonous, but it also does spectacular.  The cockatoo might be loud and obnoxious and eat all our pecans before we can get them off the tree, but they are just wonderful to watch!

Levi went along with 50 000 screaming fans and he clapped and cheered along with the best of them.  He loved it.  He said thanks to me by being cranky like you wouldn't believe when he got home.  He was just tired but it was a real effort to get him showered and in bed.  I am now relaxing and thinking how lucky I am that we completed all of his homework before he got so tired.  I am thinking it wasn't a huge surprise.  Three nights in a row of late frenetic nights!  Yep, I surprised he didn't crack way earlier!

We have a great week coming up though.  ANZAC day is on Wednesday so really, we have two, two day weeks coming up and a day of rest in between.  I can think of no better thing.  Even in this photo (lovingly provided by Anna), you can see just how tired he really is.

My dentist doesn't work on the weekend but I will give her a call tomorrow.  This tooth needs to come out!  I am ready anytime and the last thing I want is for it to interfere with our trip to USA.

Value

Doesn't Levi look old in this photo?  Today was complicated enough that I had to write out a schedule.  Tomorrow is looking a little the same.  This morning I had a mammogram while Levi started his soccer.  Jane took him while I went to do my thing!  The best part of this morning; other than when it was over, was that it took hardly any time at all!  I was in and out in about 15 minutes.  I got back in time to watch Levi score one of his three goals today at his game.  He is really loving soccer again and loves playing any position.  His team is really starting to get the team theory and are actually calling for the ball and passing it to each other!  I know, it is a complete miracle, but some of it is just growing older and understanding more and the rest of it is that they have played together as a team now for three years. 

This afternoon I had a cleaning fest.  I am getting tired of Levi's asthma and he is getting more tired of it.  I decided to clean and vacuum and wash everything down.  Living in the tropics through summer means that no matter how vigilant you are, there is always mold somewhere.  Not any more. 

'This house is clean'

I am hoping that it will make a difference to his sleep.  I am hoping that it will take away at least a few of the triggers esp going into winter here. 

Tonight was my sister-in-law's 50th birthday.  We scrubbed up and I took a photo of the mancub and then we left.  Levi and I didn't actually know that many people and he was tired from last night so it was an early one, but was quite fun!  There were a few interesting conversations.  In one, a lady asked me (in Levi's earshot) if he was my only child.  I told her 'Yes' and Levi added helpfully;

"And one dead one."

OK, strictly accurate but it always interesting to see the reaction to that kind of bald statement.  He is still young enough to not really be able to tell when to say it and when not.  I love that he sees Frankie as a part of the family still.  He sees that he is with us and that is a beautiful thing.  The lady then said;

"Levi must be that much more precious then"

I agreed with her but not really because I truly do.  I don't see Levi's life as more important than her children because a life was paid in the past.  Children are always precious regardless of if there is one or a dozen.  One life doesn't pay for another or increase the value of another.  I love Levi.  I love Frankie.  Both of them.  Always.  Living or dead; they are my children and I see them both as the most precious things to me

Teeth

Today I had the day off, which may on the surface sound good!  It wasn't really.  It started well but quickly the shine wore off!  I dropped Levi off at school and then went to the dentist.  On the days that I have off and Levi is at school, I generally try to schedule any appointments and chores.  So I went to the dentist to fix my back bottom molar.  It had been filled about three years ago when it started to not like the pressure that my grinding teeth exerted on it.  My wonderful dentist gets about half way through and in one of those moments that you get to sit up a bit and swallow freely, I said to her;

"Can you please make the filling white this time and not black?"

She paused.  Let me tell you a pause from a dentist is never a good thing!  She said;

"Actually, I am trying to decide something much more important.  I am trying to decide if it is even possible to save this tooth at all."

OK, now that wasn't what I was expecting but might explain some of the pain that I had been experiencing.  The tooth now has a vertical crack from the top to the bottom. If the crack went all the way to the root it was unsalvagable.  So she goes back to it and sure enough the crack is the whole way through.  I will need it extracted.  She patched it up but tonight I feel like someone has punched me in the side of my jaw.  With all the manipulation, my jaw muscles and the jaw itself just aches.  So instead of coming home and having some down time, it was off to get in depth and complicated jaw X-Rays to see how complicated that extraction will be. 

Next I was off to give plasma.  With the Easter holiday road toll, the Red Cross called me at home and begged me to come in and give plasma.  I figured it was the least I could do.

Than I came home and babysat Jordyn, Pam's little girl so she could go for a run. 

Yep this is my interesting life!  Levi and my eye appointments were cancelled by the office and for that I am exceptionally grateful!  I think that I didn't have enough energy for another set of appointments!  It is shaping up to be a really busy weekend again!

Sleep Safe Little Man

Look who finally went to sleep on his own!  OK it is still in my bed but I am fine with that.  It has been a horrible day.  I think I am tired as well but sometimes these kids lives are just so much harder than they have to be and I spend the last hour of my day holding a sweet thirteen year sobbing in my arms, whose life has been ripped apart again.  The tragedy of it all is the last word of that sentence; again.  I am powerless to help.  I feel frustrated that there is so little that I can do.  I feel frustrated that my organization, the school and the government is at least as powerless as I am, perhaps those agencies are even more powerless, because I can at least hold the tissues to dry tears.  So much hurt and pain in the world.  So much fear and suffering.  So many who will inflict that pain and suffering and so little that we can do to stop it.  I am happy that Levi sleeps so soundly and that his dreams are unsullied by this kind of thing.  I hope that is still true fifty years, a hundred years from now.  Sleep safe little mancub.  Dream happy safe dreams for as long as you can.  As much as I can I will help exactly that happen.

I have tomorrow off and I am really happy about it even though it is just a string of those little appointments that you can't get done during the week.  I needed to get things done before I go to USA in June and it just seemed to make sense to put them all on the one day.  Well, two days.  I have one on Saturday morning as well. 

The weekend is a pretty standard one, completely full and barely time to breathe.  

Bed Jinx

Levi was exhausted tonight.  I am exhausted too!  At least it made bedtime really easy tonight.  He was asleep by his 7pm bedtime and was grateful to get there.  Last night after the going to bed mess, when he was hungry and cranky and unable to sleep, he woke at midnight and was 'too awake to go to sleep'.  He got up and mucked around until about 2am until finally I roused on him and he went to sleep.  I have no idea what is happening with his sleep but I am hoping it is a fleeting thing and will just go away all by itself.  I actually think he is just growing and readjusting to that in his sleep.  I will keep telling myself that anyway.

This morning Levi was still sleeping when I left.  He was still sleeping until Jo came down and woke him at 8.20am.  He ended up being slightly late for school, which he hates.  He was tired when I picked him up from school and we ended up ditching soccer training this afternoon as well.  I was dragging all day but really was so slow, that it took me until I picked Levi up to remember why I was so completely trashed.  Yep very very tired. 

Because Levi wasn't doing soccer, we were able to get a start on his homework.  I go through times of being happy about his progress and nervous but I think generally it is because I have no idea what is expected of him at this age.  I have no idea of where he is in the classroom academically and if I need to push him.  I know about Math, that is easy.  He is really good at Math and because of that is really happy to do it.  Because of that fact alone, we did the Math part of his homework this afternoon.  He worked on his Mathletics for a couple of hours.  Most of the time he even did his work!  The rest of the time he spent changing his avatar.  His computer has some sort of glitch, so he works on mine and it is really cute watching him use a full size laptop and mouse.  It kept him busy at least until I got another massive dinner ready for him.

I think fairly soon I am going to crawl into bed as well. 

Doing My Head In

Levi is doing my head in!  He is so up and down with his sleeping.  I have no idea at any time what he will do at night when it is bedtime.  He went a couple of weeks happily going to bed by himself and had even progressed to his own bed again.  Given the past tense of that last sentence you can tell it has taken a definite slide again.  The last few nights he has been up a bit before bed and has been alternatively; hungry, itchy, hot; cold and thirsty.  Tonight he was hungry.  Now it is a possibility that he is hungry at times especially at the moment while he is in a growth spurt, but this is what he ate for dinner, in the order he ate it, about three quarters of an hour before he went to bed:

1 Corn on the cob

3 Sausages

1 Full bowl of pasta

2 cups of milk

4 Tim Tams

4 Fruit Tingles

1 Popsicle

and finally 1 slice of bread

Frankly I was surprised that he wasn't groaning on the floor with the sheer volume.  I didn't eat that much and as you can see by the desserts, I was running out of things to feed him that didn't require me to cook another whole meal.  I could believe that his stomach was sore tonight but I find myself unable to believe that his stomach was empty.

He tried up in his bed but I just went in to check and he is diagonally across my bed again.  I don't mind him sleeping with me.  I think it doesn't hurt them (and I know that there are some very strong opinions both sides of this) and I quite like it!  Levi knows that he can move to his own bed at any time and he also doesn't feel pushed to go.  I love that.  I love that it is his decision.  He is capable of sleeping alone whenever he wants and when I need him to.  He is very sweet and cuddly and I am happy to have him there as long as he wants!

Soccer Starts

Today was the first day back at soccer games.  Levi plays for the Rangers U7 United.  The coach sent the schedule around with the significantly more apt name of the U7 Untied.  I am thinking that it was a Freudian slip!  The team is regularly needing their laces tied and frankly their play is regularly becoming untied.  That said; today they played like legends.  They are spreading out and passing to each other.  They are calling for the ball and actually kicking it well.  They won 10:1.  Today we played the U7 Hearts and many of the team were friends, so it made the watching infinitely more fun as well.  The kids all know each other and are just as happy to celebrate the other team's goals as they are to celebrate their own.  It really is a fun morning, watching Levi and his friends have fun and sipping coffee!

We got there early enough to watch the lower ages as well and it was a good reminder as we arrived, because all you really hear from the sidelines for those games is;

"Wrong way!  Go the other way!"

They are beautiful but I find it a joy to watch the kids kicking with much more intent, understanding much more about what they are doing when they kick and why. 

This afternoon, we went to a house warming about twenty minutes across town and Levi was pretty much bored until a kid arrived with his parents.  Levi and he recognized each other instantly (Of course, I didn't recognise either Mum or Dad).  It was a boy from his class at school.  It is amazing how small a town Brisbane, or North Brisbane really is!  Then it was incredibly hard to get him to come home at all. 

Back at Work

I am back at work today, but there was a light at the end of the rainbow - I only have to work today and then it's the weekend!

Another Quiet Day

Today was a quiet one.  We had nothing we had planned and nothing that we had to do.  We went to the hardware to see if I could easily get the wood required to fix the play structure or if it would take more effort than that.  Of course, it will take more effort than expected, but that in itself was what I had expected.  Levi and I have been tossing around ideas for his Australian birthday party as he has a big stake in the whole thing.  We have started to settle on an idea about making a big splatter painting with all the kids.  We shall see! 

While we were there, we found a kit to make a bird feeder and went home afterwards to make it.  It has been fun to do these projects with Levi.  As he ages I need to help less and less and it is more and more fun.  This time, Levi did all but the holding together of the pieces while they set.  He loves it when we do projects together. 

 

Levi painted it and it came out beautiful.  The brown spots on the top are seeds to show the birds what they are about to eat!  That's if you are wondering!  The other thing that is happening, is the 'Project table' is getting more and more of a character.  It is getting more layers of paint and glue and remnants of projects. 

Levi has also been talking a lot about what happens when people die.  He is worrying about what would happen if I die.  I hope he doesn't know something more than I do!  It isn't something that most kids spend a lot of time worrying about but Levi's life has been surrounded by people dying.  When Frankie was dying we were grateful to the hamster for going belly up because it gave Evan and Ross a death to ponder before they had Frank's death to assimilate.  Levi has had death as a part of his life; his brother (although he didn't know Frank, significantly influences his life), his grandfather, his friend from school (Ethan was a good enough friend to get one of the four invitations to his fourth birthday party).  I think that it is a legitimate concern for this little worrier.  I told him that the people that he went to after I died would love him as much as I do.  His answer was;

"What if you die before you have taught me everything you need to?"

I think that sometimes he really surprises me!  I told him that I would write as much as I could so he could find it.  I am working on it.  It is a daunting task.  A lifetime of love and learning. 

Bowling

Today was our turn to watch over another boy from school whose mother works.  He is in Levi's class and I am very very tired.  OK he isn't diagnosed with anything but he does have the shortest attention span I had seen for a while and he was tiring for me trying to keep him out of trouble.  I had forgotten how relaxed I can be with Levi now.  If I tell him not to do something, then most of the time he doesn't and he never does anything deliberately bad.  I am blessed and I forget.  It was a nice little wake up for me again. 

Levi had a bit of bowling and then decided that the sliding shoes and the music was just too much to resist and just danced.  He had a bit of problem getting used to the shoes to begin with as you can see but we got there in the end.

After bowling Di and I took the four kids to see the Lorax.  It was great and they all loved it.  I love that Dr Seuss was so before his time in the environmental message.  They did a really good job of the movie as well. 

Beach Day (Reprise)

Today we went back to the beach.  It was a fantastic day.  Sandgate has a pool with four waterslides (only one big one) and a large number of other structures half in and out of the water to play on and climb.  The lighting on the beach was really beautiful.  The kids played and ran all over the pool and then all over the beach.  Levi was getting cranky and testy tonight and I'm sure that he is just exhausted.  We went with Jac and her kids plus one.  The kids had multiple possible options for toys and yet all they really needed was the beach and each other.  They dug in the sand with sticks and their hands.  They collected jellyfish and then thought about throwing them at each other.  They could run half a mile away on the beach and they couldn't really hurt themselves and we could watch them the whole way.  I love watching kids and beaches interact!

Climbing and Moving

Today Levi and I split up.  He went with Ty's family to go for a walk up in the hinterlands and to see the glow worm cave.  They walked and mostly from the photos that Shannon sent Levi climbed things.  He climbed trees and fences and fallen trees.  Shannon is my photo taking buddy and he sent me these.  He is better than I am at taking them so I'm always happy when he and I are swapping photos.  Levi came home very very tired.  He was a couch potato in the afternoon and ate pretty much from the time he walked into our house, until bedtime.  I am thinking he was using some energy with all that climbing!  He loved it though.  I asked how his asthma went on the walk and Levi said that he had to use it once all day and that he didn't need any help.  I am feeling better about sending him away when he is a bit sick with his asthma.  Now that Levi is more completely in control of how he feels and when and how to administer the drug, I am more relaxed about having him pretty much in control of it all (with me watching obviously).

I took our big flatbed truck and helped Pam move into her new house.  It is just what you do for friends and I am enjoying thinking about her tonight in her new house getting everything organized.  We wanted to get everything done in two loads, packing it in every nook and cranny.  After we had packed the second load we realised that the big furniture trolleys weren't packed in.  I think it was Mim who spied the gap between the big bull bar and the front of the truck (for the winch I imagine).  So the trolleys got packed in there!  Clint (Pam's husband) said he had never seen anything more bogan and I'll have to say, no one disagreed with him!  Still we got it all there in two hard trips and all into the new house.  So tonight that little family has their own house and their own things.  I am so happy for them all.

Tonight I will be gratefully falling into bed!  It has been an exceptionally long and hard day. 

Trusting

This was what the Easter Bunny brought Levi last night.  He was very happy with some of it but was a bit disappointed that the Easter bunny hadn't hidden any eggs outside for him to find.  I didn't remember our Easter bunny ever hiding eggs outside for him to find but he insisted.  I think that he was confusing the hunt with the bunny but you know six year olds are always right and their mothers are consistently wrong. 

Today we spent the first part of the day doing nothing.  Actually that is not correct.  We spent most of the day doing very little.  Until three in the afternoon, I was unable to get Levi to do anything really.  He watched TV and played on the floor.  He adamantly refused to do anything.  I went out to the dump and to get a newspaper and he didn't even want to come for the ride.  Pete called to say that the water slide was back up and that we should come and play.  Levi wasn't keen until about three in the afternoon and then suddenly as a light switch he wanted to go.

When we got to Pete and Cheryl's place we went for a walk up the back of their place to check out a snakeskin and try to decide if it was a regular carpet snake or a brown.  We decided that we didn't know.  Then with one kid on a motorbike and two on regular bikes with walked around the perimeter. 

The kids all wanted the slide on!  They are all very relaxed and independent kids, so we turned on the slide and let them go, watching from the top.  They had so much fun and went down on the inflatables, on their tummies, on their backs and any other way that they could think of.  I am sure tomorrow, they will all have bruises along their spines where they bumped across the hard ground.  They slide down with an almost identical look on their faces.  They pretty much close their eyes and just let loose.  I don't remember the last time that I did that.  I haven't just closed my eyes and let things go, trusting that there will be a soft landing.  I wonder if we lose that ability somewhat as we get older; the ability to just let go.  The ability to trust that someone or something will catch you at the end there.  It is very much a child's ability.  I envy how easy it is for them.  I am going to try to find it!

Then the boys started to swim.  Well they used the pool anyway.  It was about jumping.  They hammed it up for the camera and it was just a blast to watch them.

And still they would land, eyes closed and trusting.  Ah kids!  They are fantastic!  I need to go play another fantasy creature tonight.  Levi lost another tooth today.

Beach Boy

We went to the beach today.  It was a perfect perfect day!  Sunshine all day and yet we were never too hot.  The Easter holidays are generally perfect weather here, except when it isn't!  I texted friends again yesterday to see who wanted to come with us.  This time it was Ty and his family.  Levi and Ty are already over the tiff from yesterday and played together all day.  Sandgate beach is perfect for them.  That coupled with the king tides around the full moon of Easter means that there is a huge flat sandbank to play on when the tide goes out and when the tide is in, you would have to try to drown as the water is only about knee deep.

We took our bikes as well because there is a bike track along the whole foreshore.  It was fun until things started to fall off!  Levi's swimmers fell off the back of Shannon's bike at some point and then in quick succession we lost Ty's bell and finally Levi's pedal off their bikes.  Obviously Levi's was a show stopper!  We stopped and Shannon rode back to his car (finding Levi's board shorts on the way).  Then luckily we stayed where we were.  Our spot on the foreshore was shaded and the beach completely our own.  It was Levi and Ty so we didn't have to worry about them pushing themselves beyond their skills.  They are both very careful boys.  It meant that we could sit in the shade watching them.  They thought up games and played with little intervention.

Tomorrow is Easter Sunday.  We have nothing planned.  I love the sound of that!  In light of Sizzlers with friends tonight and chocolate eggs for breakfast tomorrow, I'm thinking Levi will be bouncing off the walls by about 9.30 anyway!

Dinosaur Eggs

After seeing the dinosaurs yesterday, Levi and I decided that we would make our own dinosaur eggs today.  Actually this was very very late in the day.  Today, Levi slept in until 7.30am and he had a slow one all day.  We didn't get out of our pajamas until after noon and watched TV, played and generally did very little.  By 2 pm though Levi was getting tired of my company and wanted to not only make dinosaur eggs but wanted Ty to come over to make them too. 

Now I am not the perfect Stay at Home Mother.  In fact, I am not a stay at home anything and frankly I am not great at the doing crafty things at home.  Anyway.  I looked up how to make Paper Mache glue on the Internet.  It said;

"Mix 1 cup flour into 1 cup of water until mixture is thin and runny.  Stir into 4 cups of boiling water and simmer for about 3 minutes and cool."

Really, that was it!  You wouldn't think that I could fail a recipe that easy but really, fail I did.  As Levi said;

"If you added green food coloring to this it would be exactly like snot!"

OK apart from that graphic (and fairly accurate) detail we still used the glue to make our eggs.  The boys blew up balloons and we covered them with paper strips and glue.  Levi wasn't overly fussed with the whole sticky, slimy sensory experience of it all.  Ty got into it and was happy to dip his fingers into this thick gelatinous goop and make his egg!  Levi's ended up more neat, probably because there was a whole lot less glue involved. 

It took about an hour to set up and about 3/4 of an hour to clean up afterwards.  For a fifteen minute activity, it just doesn't seem worth it at times.  Ah well, at least we have to paint it yet!  Thinking that is going to have the same prep/clean up/activity ratio, but that is what parenting is about hey!  Failed at the glue and it lasted fifteen minutes!

Levi and Ty then bounced on the trampoline for about an hour and a half, which served to reduce Levi's activity drive for the day and put his asthma into overdrive for the night!  They bounced happily until Ty face planted into the net.  At least by the time he did that, his Dad was here, so he could deal with the crying and then the subsequent tantrum after Ty's sister wasn't punished for the supposed slight to his pride.  Then it deteriorated into Ty 'hating' Levi (according to Levi) and Levi wanting him to come back!  Oh it will have blown over by tomorrow morning when we all go to beach, but it made for a hard night. 

Tonight Levi had trouble going to sleep.  First of all he was wound up because of Ty and second of all he was having breathing.  He kept getting up and saying his chest hurt and he couldn't get breath.  He had already had his inhaler but it wasn't quite enough.  He finally went to bed and I went and snuggled with him.  He said that he couldn't sleep because he got scared when he couldn't breathe and that he didn't want to have trouble breathing and end up stopping like Frankie and Ethan.  I explained that he wasn't going to have the same problems as Frankie because there was only one kid in the world at any one time that had his disease and Levi didn't have it.  I explained that Ethan had died of brain cancer and it was completely different.  I said that I understood it felt scary when it was hard to breathe but he was going to stay with me.

He said that was good and rolled over and went to sleep. 

I hope that he gets some comfort in that thought.  He wasn't having so much trouble breathing that I was concerned but I have to admit, the sensitivity on my 'Concern meter' is broken!  Needless to say, the mancub is in my bed tonight!