Soccer

 We had soccer again today.  It finally stopped raining enough to actually play some soccer!  We haven't had training for weeks with all the holidays and rain so it was fun to be out there again.  I actually don't know the score as it should be and the kids had a blast!  Pretty much it still looks like a melee but it is a bunch of kids burning up energy and a bunch of parents randomly chatting on the sidelines.  Ah! Saturday sport! It is a lovely thing.

The rest of the day we had Ruby over to play.  I love having Ruby over!  It is so fun to have a girl over.  They are really different in the way that they approach things.  Maybe it's just Ruby, but she is so different from the four boys that I have had and they were all different from each other.  They were different but not as diametrically different as Ruby's approach!

As you can see in this photo, there was more tackling of each other than anything too 'team' oriented today.  Here is a photo in the middle of the game that has all the red players and no blue ones.  I love it!  The concentration on all of the little faces you can see, but none of them really are seeing each other. 



Reaction Time

Today I had a study of my body's reaction time.

Today it didn't rain.  Actually to clarify, it didn't rain until about 2.30 and then it rained in that weird on off rain that it has been doing for the last few weeks.  Blinding sun and then tropical rain and then back to blinding sun for a few minutes.  It meant that I was able to get out and whack some weeds; lots of weeds.  There is an area just across the causeway, that is supposed to be maintained by the council.  If it gets too long you can't see around the corner and it is dangerous.  Our council has way too much on it's plate at the moment so it has been getting very long.  The grass had now got to the stage that it was chest high.  I went out (valiantly, I must say) to slay it.  

I quite like that kind of work.  It is hard work and you sweat buckets.  It needs enough brain power that it stops you from thinking about anything else and it achieves something very tangible.  Perfect work!  You can put the earphones in, crank up the ipod and sing as loudly as you want because no one is going to hear you over the noise of the whipper snipper.  

Now I have noticed that any time that I start yard work I get joined by the birds of the area.  If I am mowing, then I am joined by Butcher birds because they eat the smaller wildlife that are thrown up by the mower, mostly small (or bigger) spiders and little lizards and thing.  If I have the Weed Whacker then I am joined almost instantly by several Kookaburras that hang out for bigger stuff like (Stop reading now Brian!) big spiders, bigger lizards and toads.  So I am out there in the brush and suddenly this brown snake whirls around and makes a striking motion toward me.  Now I about went in my shorts, yelled and leapt backwards about a metre.  I was then further surprised when a kookaburra then landed beside the snake and went to grab it!  Right about the same moment, we both realized that the said snake was really only a stick that had made 'snake' movements when hit by the cord.  I laughed with relief.  The kookaburra actually looked embarrassed.  Now I was happier about being fooled when I knew that the poor bird had been fooled by the motion of the stick!  That said; had it been a snake, my leg guards and steel toe working boats would have been more than a match for any snake, but that is not something I want to spend any time trialing!

We now have another long weekend and then I go back to work.  I don't know what it's for.  Most people are calling it May Day but I am pretty sure there is some formal reason for a holiday but who knows!  We are staying in town and doing little things with friends.  Levi still wants to camp but until it stops raining, that is out of the question.  I am not going to risk being near the creek if it rains.

Getting Negative

Levi has been playing around with numbers again and it is really fun to watch and help him.  He asked me about a week ago what happened below zero.  Once I worked out what he was asking, I explained that the numbers could go in the negative direction as far as they could go in the positive (ie. forever).  Since then his plus and minus sums are now a bit more interesting.

It started with things like 3 - 2 and about a day later it was things like 12 - 15.  Then yesterday he started something else -2 - 5.  You could watch the light go on in his eyes.  He said;

"When you count forward with minus numbers, you are actually counting backward!"

It was a very pretty way of putting it and certainly an easy way to explain it, that I will use again.  He has been happily playing with the numbers.  I wish he would play with words a little more, but I can't have everything.  He is actually reading better but I would love to see him get joy from it, the way I do.  I am getting ahead of myself again.  I mean really, he is just five, not twenty.  Maybe at some point when it is easier for him, he will start finding joy in it. 

He has been tired the last few days.  School really takes it out of you!  He has been a cranky butt and very fragile but between just going back to school and getting monster molars, I guess I can cut him a little slack.  I have had the last few days off while he was at school, in the attempt to get the yard winterised but it has been raining constantly.  It hasn't been hard enough to trap us in, but certainly hard enough to stop my doing any work with wet grass.  The causeway has been running freely over by about 10cm but doesn't look like it is getting vicious any time soon.

Being a 'Real' Mum

First off, I have to correct something.  The fish are actually called Dibber and Dabber, and not Dipper and Dapper.  Actually more correctly, I think yesterday they were called Dipper and Dapper but I was assured by 'the one who is always right' that they are most definitely bb and not pp.  There now all is right with the world!

This week (well three days of it anyway) I am being a real mum.  A few weeks before the end of term Levi wanted to know when I was going to be a 'real' mum who drops him off and picks him up from school.  Now I am very relaxed about the emotional blackmail employed by the average five year old, but it still hurts a little.  How I wish that I could be that real mother.  How I wish that I won a lottery that allowed me to be that real mum.  That said, I don't think that is what makes a real mum.  I have seen mothers who stay at home and 'home school' their kids, where the kids are not as happy or socialized as Levi.  I remember calling Child Protective Services on one such mother.  I have seen kids picked up and dropped off by their mothers or their nannies, who are not as happy or as socialised as Levi.  I think that we all just do our best and the rest is best left with our children's psychologist.

I would love to know what makes the best mother.  I am not sure that the answer is the same for every child.  I think that the Mummy Mafia is a very scary thing.  We are all loath to talk about our failures in parenting to our friends in fear that there will be condemnation in such a frank discussion.  If only we could all be more relaxed about that fragile part of us that fears we are screwing up the most important job of all!

Dipper and Dapper

Today we welcomed two new members of the family.  I hope they are robust and long lived.  Levi was ecstatic. 

When we came back from USA, I promised Levi that we would get a dog as soon as we were able.  He had grown up with Kazi, the first year and a bit of his life.  He wanted a dog since she died.  I figured that when we came here, I would buy a little house and we could get a dog and a cat.  Of course, once I bought into the farm, all ability to get a pet for him failed.  There is a dog here, but Pippy is old and frankly a bitch to any other dog.  Pippy is Jo's dog and when she spends too much time downstairs, Jo gets all depressed and "no one loves me"!  I spend time trying to send Pip back upstairs.  Even after Pip dies, we won't be able to get a dog, because it will always be Jo's.  I prefer dogs more trained (and trainable) than Jo as well, so I think that it wouldn't even be the same type of dog.

 

We can't get a cat because Jo is allergic and so that is out as long as we live here.  This leaves little to actually get that doesn't have more drawbacks than attributes.  So Levi and I talked about fish.  He was very excited and I figured that we could give it a shot and see how robust they were. 

The tank that I found has a great feature that it also runs a night light through it.  So it solves several things at once.  A nice little bubbly sound to sleep to and a muted blue light.  I took these photos with the iphone, so they aren't particularly good, but it shows him sleeping soundly behind the tank.  Of course Levi had to get up a few times to use the toilet before sleeping.  I hope that the bubbly water noise doesn't increase the chance he (or I) wet the bed!

The other big revelation that I have been having a fun chat on facebook about is that Levi got a couple of new teeth in the last week.  He assures me that he told me about it and I will say that I do remember something along that line.  He had been complaining about his mouth the last few weeks and I have been, well, ignoring it.  Finally last night I took a flashlight and actually 'looked' in his mouth.

I found this great website about Tooth Development.  It shows in animation how the teeth come in and when they come out.  These new teeth in Levi's mouth are huge!  They must be adult tetth and it amazes me that they fit in his mouth and it certainly makes me think that it really did actually hurt a lot for them to grow through.  We still have two more to go.  I will be a little more sympathetic for the next two at least.

Oh and I forgot, Levi named the fish Dipper and Dapper, which I think is quite good.  The snail got a name as well but was much less memorable and so I promptly forgot it.  I will have to check it again in the morning!

ANZAC Day

 Today was ANZAC Day.  It is an interesting observation for me.  In Australia, ANZAC day freezes the city.  There is nothing open.  Really nothing!  No shops.  No coffee houses.  No petrol stations.  I think the only thing open is the 7 11.  During the minute silence in Samford, cars literally stopped in the street.  The only sound were the birds in the trees and an occasional baby crying.  It was awe inspiring.  It was amazing.  In the ANZAC day service they read the names of all of those who had died in the wars that Australia has fought as a federated country and that was eye opening.  More and more I think that the kids are seeing more respect not just for those who fought in the past but also those who are fighting now. 

My grandfather went to Gallipoli and fought in France in WW1.  His brother died in his arms in France and he returned different.  I hope at some point to have more information to give to my son.  About his Great Grandfather and about loyalty and bravery.  Most of all I hope that there will never be a time that he has to face that type of warfare.  More and more I hope that no one has to fight.

Levi and Harry here watched the parade and at times they played with the iphone to keep their attention but they were both very good and sat and stood when they should, sang the anthem and were silent on cue.

More Easter Photos

 Here is Levi playing with his new Spirograph.  I was very excited when Catch of the Day had one about three weeks ago.  I thought that Levi would love the symmetry of the whole thing and the mathematics.  He did.  This one had a stencil set as well and a place to put all the discs.  It was great!  Better than I thought it would be. 

Then this is what he looked like after the whole day.  He fell asleep snuggled up against Icy.  He hasn't really slept with any of the other stuffed animals since he was given Icy after Christmas.  Now if I can just get Icy away long enough, I can actually wash the poor thing!

Easter haul

Last night we put out carrots for the Easter bunny.  Levi wanted to put out four carrots so the bunny could have one to eat at night as he did his rounds and then another three for the next three nights because he would need to recover.  So Levi's Easter bunny gives out toys rather than lots of chocolate.  He gets one egg or something little, but after the hunt yesterday I think he doesn't need too many other sweets.  

It has been a long weekend for the whole country, a really long weekend.  We have until Wednesday off because Anzac day was fortuitously on the same weekend.  It has been a long weekend for us as well because there is a little farm stay family living upstairs while Jo is on the island.  They are great but very tiring.  Sena is a 9 year old who is functioning about Levi's level and they play together quite well but Sena has no idea that anyone would want (or need) any quiet time, so I have been actively keeping them apart at times.  I have also been cleaning up a lot.  The kids seem to discard whatever they are done with where ever they feel like it.  So I go around before nightfall, putting away scooters and bikes and picking up random chip packages that they have just dropped when done with them.  There is no real reason to try to make them do anything different, but at times I make them put things in the bin!

Levi has had a great few days though and has spent a bunch of time outside which has been good for him.  The weather has been perfect!  I hope that it stays this way!

Easter Egg Hunting

Swimming!

Today we went swimming in a small semi heated pool that hadn't changed decor since Cheryl was doing swimming training in Primary school about 35 years ago.  There was no one else and the kids loved it.  Interestingly the bigger boys swam laps.  Many laps of the 25 metre pool.  They were just enjoying the ability to swim I think and it was great to watch them be young and happy and fit.  It has been a long time since I have felt like that and watching them was freeing in a way.  I hope they stay that way for a very long time!

I had my underwater camera there, so I gave it to the boys.  There were few photos that were worth keeping but I do love the smile on Levi's face while he is underwater.  The other photo is a beautiful affect captured half in and half out of the water.

Slowly Getting Going

Today we went bowling.  Actually yesterday and today we have done fun little things in the morning and then we have a quiet one at home.  So yesterday, Pam came over and we both took Levi to Go Wild for an hour or so.  It wasn't long because every man and their dog was there as well.  Frankly there just isn't that much to do in the Easter break when it is raining.  Even the egg hunt looks at risk at the moment because it is just too wet. 

So today we went bowling.  Again a dry activity for kids,  and they had a special!  We went with Zac and Alex and they had loads of fun.  The slippery shoes made for plenty of entertainment for Di and I as well.  Alex won resoundingly both games, mostly because he used the ramp and the other boys didn't.  Both Levi and Zac were able to achieve something amazing, that I didn't think possible; they were both able to throw a gutter ball while the bumpers were up and in place.  Ah well, they had fun and that was all that was relevant.

Please Let's Stay Home!

It was incredibly quiet again at our house.  It started quiet and stayed that way.  Levi even at one stage did actually say "Please let's stay home!"  Levi was definitely not in learning mode today.  I tried a few things in the homework department but it was fairly strenuously resisted by the little man. 

Here he is channeling Billy Ray Cyrus in his bad mullet years.  This wig came in the care package that my work put together for me.  Pretty much we just watched TV and DVDs and ate .... poorly.  We ate rubbish really because I didn't attempt to go out and get woodland food.  That and I am just not the organic, crunchy sort of person. 

I did do some cleaning but I just wasn't in the mood.  That didn't work as well as I hoped either.  I pulled out toys that Levi had grown out of about 3 years ago.  I wanted to photograph them for EBay but instead I had to take photos of Levi playing happily with them. 

Tomorrow we might not be able to get out at all.  It has rained the whole day but possibly not heavy enough for flooding.  I told him that no matter what, we were going out tomorrow to do something, anything really!  I want to get at least some exercise in while we both have some time.

I settled for taking photos of him sleeping tonight.  I love it when kids (and adults really!) sleep because their hands relax so completely.  Levi goes into this soft sweet posturing that I am actually surprised that I have so few photos of him sleeping!  Look at that sweet thing! 

So tomorrow we are going out!  No matter what!!  I need to get going again and I also need to not be at home thinking about things that I have no control over and no ability to change.  For all those who are in the midst of that, I am thinking of you, other than that, hang in there.





Soft Sleeping hand!

Quiet Day at Home

I had a great night sleep last night and woke up better for it.  I went to bed almost as soon as Levi did and sleep until about 6.00am when he woke up.  It was a slow get up for him too.  He wanted to snuggle and chat rather than jump to his feet as he usually does.  It may be that he felt my relief and relaxation.  I still hurt a little but it isn't anything to write home about.  I suspect even that will be gone in the next day or so. 

Today Levi wanted to learn and learn and learn.  We did about an hour of Mathletics.  He wrote lots of words out.  We did workbooks and reading.  He was unstoppable.  I am very glad that he wanted to do sedentary activities today as well.  My friend from work, Mim, came out for the morning to look after Levi so I could zone out and have a rest.  It was such a lovely thing to do.  It made all the difference.  She did the running around type things and I just supplied the things to do.  My work mates had made a little care package as well.  Some funny things for me and a few things for Levi as well.  I can't believe I am so lucky as to work with them all.  So Mim took Levi outside a few times to blow bubbles and blow off a little steam, but really most of the day he stayed inside.

Tomorrow we are going to see the movie 'Hop' and I am hoping that we will make it through the whole movie.  Levi's track record is poor.  He can watch DVDs without any problem but the big screen seems too much for him.  3D is definitely out, but even 2D movies tend to be too much.  He doesn't like the scary bits and won't watch after it gets scary.  I try to explain that if he waits long enough there will be resolution, or in his words "It will get better", but he won't wait that long.  So I don't have a lot of faith that we will make it through 'Hop' regardless of how non scary it is.

Home and OK

Everything went really well today.  I am tired and crampy and so this will be short so I can go to bed.  Levi had a fabulous day playing with his mate Robbie.  My Mum was great and she dropped me off and picked me up.  I think that I will be more awake tomorrow, but the general anaesthetic really knocks you around. At least I will likely get a good nights sleep!

Last day of school

Today was Levi's last day of school or the term.  It has been a very long term and the kids continue to break down in the afternoon.  However we are done, at least for a little while.  Levi has the next week and a half off and I have a little longer. 

The school has an Easter bonnet parade for the younger grades just before they get out on holidays.  The kids spend about a week making their creative headgear and then they go up on stage and show the whole school.  It is a little crowded for the parents but the kids are so proud.  I mean, look at that face.  He was really happy to have me there. 

As I was going home and crossing the cemetery, I came across this little beauty.  Now I am always afraid of putting too much scary wildlife up on the blog because I am still hoping beyond all hope that someone from USA will actually visit me!  There is the common misconception that if someone visits from USA, they will be attacked by thousands of venomous creatures as soon as they step off the plane.  I can hardly comment at the moment.  In Townsville at the moment, they can't even play on the ovals at the schools as the grass is dangerous.  Well not quite the grass but the water that the grass is standing in.  It has some dangerous bacteria in it.  None of the teachers knew the name but none of the kids had played outside all term!  Then I walk out of school and find this beauty.

It really is beautiful, but you definitely show some respect.  I have trouble telling the snakes apart.  Likely it is an Eastern Brown just based on the statistics and numbers in the area.  After I looked it up on the net I was a lot more sure.  I gave him a really wide berth and went to work!

If you think that it sounds like I am talking about other things so I don't have to think about surgery tomorrow, you would be right.  Seems to be working too!

Making it Better

I am in a better place toady.  I think that I am being knocked around by the anaemia more than I will give myself credit for.  I have no idea how Frankie coped with his haemoglobin so low for so long.  I didn't realize how tired it makes you.  I am not less tired but I am less annoyed at myself for being tired.  Maybe I am getting smarter in my old age. 

I am not looking forward to the surgery but I am looking forward to the two weeks off afterward.  Levi will get to spend the day with his mate Robbie and he is very excited.  I am being forced into a position that compares the two medical systems of USA and Australia.  It isn't a real comparison, because I am not having an operation the way that other people here would.  Gynecological surgery for us is a little different.  My surgeon was "humbled" to be the one that was chosen.  My brother really is the best Gynecological Oncologist certainly in the state, likely in the country.  His family is treated very well particularly in these circles.  I am going to be bulk billed (meaning that I won't be charged over the private insurance rebate) making it cheaper.  My poor surgeon will stress enough the night before she will have trouble sleeping.  I wish that I could convey how much faith that I have in her, and so she would relax.  She stresses that Jim has trusted his family to her.  For me, it does mean that she is the best in multiple ways.

I do think that overall for the insured consumer, the bill likely works out about the same.  In USA, the money is paid upfront in the monthly premiums.  In Australia, the money is paid after you use the system with much smaller monthly premiums.  I am not sure which is better, but for me the cost will be about the same.

There is a lot of stuff happening at the moment to friends and it is not my place to talk about  their concerns but I always wish there was something more positive I could do.  I feel very impotent at times but as a person who prefers to fix things, I'm sure there is something in there that I am supposed to be learning, but who knows.  I still just wish that I could make it better.

Bad hair on multiple levels

Today was a weird day.  I went to the doctor.  Actually backing up a little, I have been having problems with a bunch of things but mostly that I seem to have a never ending cramping.  Sometimes being a woman really sucks on multiple levels.  Anyway, I went to the local doctor in October to report these symptoms.  He said to do a bunch of blood tests and an ultrasound.  The doctor said that if there was a problem with anything, he would give me a call.  Then I got nothing from him.  My assumption was that I was being a wimp and needed to suck it up a little.  So I got tireder and the symptoms continued.

Then about a month ago, I went to the doctor (different one) to get a referral for a hand therapist, because my thumb still hasn't returned to normal.  I asked about the tests and it seems that way back in October I was already anaemic and had all the signs of iron deficiency.  By April all of that had become much worse.  So now I get to go to surgery on Friday, which I am still a bit stressed about.  It isn't the surgery, it is just the idea of permanently being unable to have children.  OK I know that I am too old and I know that, really, my chances of even finding the partner at this stage is unlikely.  But still, there is a part of me that grieves that part.  Yes it sucks to be a woman sometimes. 

I read blogs at times on the internet, mostly random ones and am always amazed by random airheads, whose only claim to fame is that they can produce a kid a year, regardless of if they can support said children.  I still find myself jealous of their ease, of their fertility.  It was so hard for me and so hard fought and now I am giving it away.  Who am I kidding! I am not giving anything away that wasn't already gone, but now I have to admit that it is gone.

Then there is trying to do surgery in my family, without it making it to YouTube.  OK it isn't that bad but close.  In USA I could quietly get things done and the whole world didn't have to know.  Here, I had the appointment this morning and by this afternoon, it was being talked about by my sister-in-law's parents over a cup of tea and my mother had already cooked a few meals for me.  I just want to crawl into a hole.  Perhaps it is just love.  Perhaps it is just caring, but it feels invasive.  It always has.  I suspect that is partly why I have kept everything so close to my chest.  I will keep trying to see it as love but I think I will remain fairly stressed.

On a happier note, the link for the  Shark Bait Kids interview is up finally from March.  I am looking particularly ravishing after being underwater for 4 hours prior to the interview.  I should have thought of a different program; one that involved clothes, and brushes and maybe even makeup.  Instead I go on National TV in a wetsuit with diving hair!!

Back and Down

Back now from Outreach.  Actually I was back on Friday night late.  The weekend wasn't much fun though, because when I got to sleep back in my own bed it was beside a very hot little thing.  At 102.5 degrees, he wasn't sleeping very well either, so we had a weekend of both of us trying to catch up on sleep and pull ourselves together.  Mostly it has worked, mostly.  Levi is much better now and went to school today, but we are both counting the days, nay the minutes, until the holidays.  All of the kids are feeling this long term and you can tell that all the people at work are as well.

It seems that it is just hard to do anything at the moment.  I think it is about burnout and fatigue.  The good news is that I have a bunch of time off over Easter.  Most of the office does as well, which will help everyone.  It is a fabulous office.  They are all so supportive, but when we all get worn down, it seems that it accentuates the affect.

I am feeling a bit down as well.  It might have something to do with working a week and a half worth of hours last week and some of it may be that I am still having trouble sleeping.  Sleeping is getting better though as it always does after a while.  Some of the down, is in just not being able to help some of my friends that are going through tough times themselves.  I feel as if I have let them down by being in Australia, when they could use some real help in USA.  I wish that I had a time warper so that I could be in two places at once.  I wish that I could do something to help, but am frustrated by the distance and the nature of the illness.  I can't even really help to support from here. 

Outreach

I am about to spend a week in Townsville on Outreach.  It will be busy.  It will be punishingly busy but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  It will be six months before I have to go again.  After this week, I have four days and then I have from the 15th April until the 3rd May off.  In an odd calender mishap, there are actually 4 Public holidays in that time.  It must be a rare year that this happens, so I am making the most of it.  Levi is off from the 15th but has 3 days of school in there.  I will be one of those 'real' Mums.  One of those mums that can drop their kids off at school and pick them up in the same day.  I am so excited!!!  That and I'm excited about 3 days of free non-kid guilt-free time. 

In Townsville, I have no internet, but I do have the iphone.  So I'll keep up on Facebook, but won't be able to access this blog.  Now I'm going to go and pack!

Introducing Frankie to friends

So if you wondered if I was feeling any better today, the real answer is No but I think that it was a better year.  After thinking about it all, I decided that I wasn't really being fair to my friends here.  Yesterday was a late entry to work, because I had Levi's Parent Teacher interview.  It went really well and he is doing just fine, which is lucky because if the teacher had said anything bad at all I think I would have cried.  He is way ahead in Maths and about average in his reading.  She was giving me strategies to bring his reading to his Math level but I hastened to assure her that I wasn't going to push him in reading at all.  Average works for me.  I don't need him to be the best at everything!  He is in Grade 1 and his progress in reading in the last few months has been astounding.  I am good with that.  The last thing I want is for him to have nothing to learn at school.  I am not good with that!

Anyway I came in late and the office had already gone for coffee.  When I came in one by one they all asked if they could go back and get one for me.  They were all so sweet that I almost came undone.  They looked after me and were great all day.  I had to write a Powerpoint for some doctors in Townsville and it pretty much took me all day.  Good mind numbing stuff.

Then at night I went to Di and Bear's place and showed them the video of Frankie.  I showed them the album of his first year.  I talked about what he was like.  I introduced him to them, the only way left to me.  I talk about his strength before he got too ill, but it is interesting watching the videos.  It was very true.  He really was that verbal.  It is hard to believe how young he was when watching the video.  Later that night at home by myself, I watched the harder video.  The one that shows the deterioration.  It still breaks my heart to watch him so broken down, but still it helps.  It helps to remind me that death is a friend that you hold in reserve.  Death isn't the enemy.  The enemy is the disease that ground him down and Death, he was an ally and for stopping Frankie's pain, I will be forever grateful.  My pain....now that is another story!

Happy Birthday Frankie

Frank would have been 11 this year.  I can't believe it.  I can't believe it was that long ago.  I can't believe it still hurts so much.  I can't believe that I still miss you so much my sweet little boy.