Home and OK

Everything went really well today.  I am tired and crampy and so this will be short so I can go to bed.  Levi had a fabulous day playing with his mate Robbie.  My Mum was great and she dropped me off and picked me up.  I think that I will be more awake tomorrow, but the general anaesthetic really knocks you around. At least I will likely get a good nights sleep!

Making it Better

I am in a better place toady.  I think that I am being knocked around by the anaemia more than I will give myself credit for.  I have no idea how Frankie coped with his haemoglobin so low for so long.  I didn't realize how tired it makes you.  I am not less tired but I am less annoyed at myself for being tired.  Maybe I am getting smarter in my old age. 

I am not looking forward to the surgery but I am looking forward to the two weeks off afterward.  Levi will get to spend the day with his mate Robbie and he is very excited.  I am being forced into a position that compares the two medical systems of USA and Australia.  It isn't a real comparison, because I am not having an operation the way that other people here would.  Gynecological surgery for us is a little different.  My surgeon was "humbled" to be the one that was chosen.  My brother really is the best Gynecological Oncologist certainly in the state, likely in the country.  His family is treated very well particularly in these circles.  I am going to be bulk billed (meaning that I won't be charged over the private insurance rebate) making it cheaper.  My poor surgeon will stress enough the night before she will have trouble sleeping.  I wish that I could convey how much faith that I have in her, and so she would relax.  She stresses that Jim has trusted his family to her.  For me, it does mean that she is the best in multiple ways.

I do think that overall for the insured consumer, the bill likely works out about the same.  In USA, the money is paid upfront in the monthly premiums.  In Australia, the money is paid after you use the system with much smaller monthly premiums.  I am not sure which is better, but for me the cost will be about the same.

There is a lot of stuff happening at the moment to friends and it is not my place to talk about  their concerns but I always wish there was something more positive I could do.  I feel very impotent at times but as a person who prefers to fix things, I'm sure there is something in there that I am supposed to be learning, but who knows.  I still just wish that I could make it better.

Bad hair on multiple levels

Today was a weird day.  I went to the doctor.  Actually backing up a little, I have been having problems with a bunch of things but mostly that I seem to have a never ending cramping.  Sometimes being a woman really sucks on multiple levels.  Anyway, I went to the local doctor in October to report these symptoms.  He said to do a bunch of blood tests and an ultrasound.  The doctor said that if there was a problem with anything, he would give me a call.  Then I got nothing from him.  My assumption was that I was being a wimp and needed to suck it up a little.  So I got tireder and the symptoms continued.

Then about a month ago, I went to the doctor (different one) to get a referral for a hand therapist, because my thumb still hasn't returned to normal.  I asked about the tests and it seems that way back in October I was already anaemic and had all the signs of iron deficiency.  By April all of that had become much worse.  So now I get to go to surgery on Friday, which I am still a bit stressed about.  It isn't the surgery, it is just the idea of permanently being unable to have children.  OK I know that I am too old and I know that, really, my chances of even finding the partner at this stage is unlikely.  But still, there is a part of me that grieves that part.  Yes it sucks to be a woman sometimes. 

I read blogs at times on the internet, mostly random ones and am always amazed by random airheads, whose only claim to fame is that they can produce a kid a year, regardless of if they can support said children.  I still find myself jealous of their ease, of their fertility.  It was so hard for me and so hard fought and now I am giving it away.  Who am I kidding! I am not giving anything away that wasn't already gone, but now I have to admit that it is gone.

Then there is trying to do surgery in my family, without it making it to YouTube.  OK it isn't that bad but close.  In USA I could quietly get things done and the whole world didn't have to know.  Here, I had the appointment this morning and by this afternoon, it was being talked about by my sister-in-law's parents over a cup of tea and my mother had already cooked a few meals for me.  I just want to crawl into a hole.  Perhaps it is just love.  Perhaps it is just caring, but it feels invasive.  It always has.  I suspect that is partly why I have kept everything so close to my chest.  I will keep trying to see it as love but I think I will remain fairly stressed.

On a happier note, the link for the  Shark Bait Kids interview is up finally from March.  I am looking particularly ravishing after being underwater for 4 hours prior to the interview.  I should have thought of a different program; one that involved clothes, and brushes and maybe even makeup.  Instead I go on National TV in a wetsuit with diving hair!!