Look Who's Clever!

I managed to make Blogger do something!  Actually, I only followed old instructions from a friend.  Her advice and it is very good advice is; "If you are having a problem with something, generally someone else in the world is also having the same problem!  When in doubt Google it and ask!"  Well she was right.  I think it is very funny that she (and her husband) work writing code and fixing hardware/software problems but their go to option is just to check out Google!

 

My eyes are starting to ungum and Levi actually went to bed without Ventolin tonight.  I don't want to say anything too loud to tempt fate but I think we might actually be getting better!  I went back to work without problems and then helped tape up a friend's chest where she has strained muscles from coughing so hard!  Yes, the office is pulling itself out from under a wave of illness as well. 

Nine Years

Nine years is a really long time. It doesn't feel like nine years. It feels like ninety years that I have missed him. It does dull you know? That really searing pain of the first few years of missing him has damped a little. It turns into something different. It turns into something more like an ache. It isn't an easy ache and at times it is almost worse than the searing pain.  In a way though, it really does get a little easier.  I can't help but remember Frankie today.  I can't help but wish so many things.  I wish that even one of the things that I had wished for him at birth had come true, or more correctly, true for longer than a few months. 

When your baby is born.  You wish big things.  You wish that your baby will be happy and healthy.  You wish for a long fulfilling life for him.  You wish that they know little pain and only enough to make them better people.  You wish for so much for this beautiful life that has just been placed in your hands.  You believe that you can give much of that to them as well.  OK, I don't know what everyone wishes, but it was what I wished. 

  

In a way I got what I wished.  Frankie was happy, really happy for much of his life.  He had pain I know but he was happy through all of that.  He had people who loved him and he loved back with all of his huge heart.  He laughed and played enough for a lifetime.  Frankie had a very fulfilling life, albeit not a long one.  I can only continue to believe that.  He knew what he was here for.  He seemed too know anyway. 

 So maybe I got what I wished for but not the way I expected.  I will have photos to remind me.  I will still dream Frankie dreams at times and I will believe that you will be remembered, because I will remember you.  I will tell your brothers about you if they forget and I will tell Levi about you so he can have memories too.  But I will miss you and I will still cry myself to sleep tonight because much as I say that it is getting better, tonight it isn't better.  Tonight I long for you to be here.  Tonight I will regret every minute that I have not had you here.

Goodnight darling, wherever you are.  I still miss you.  I still love you and I will love you forever.

Face of God

See if you can find the bearded man that I see in this photo, hand raising up

Friday Finally!

Tonight it is raining hard.  I am thinking we will be flooded in tomorrow and for once the weather has actually timed this quite well!  We got a few things done tonight and then we have little we have to do all weekend.  We will be able to have a quiet weekend.  I picked Levi up from school today and before I had even picked him up (all I was doing was watching through the window) there were tears involved.  The teacher got that all sorted out but I knew it was going to be an interesting night!  Friends came over for afternoon tea and then he and I sat down and did a bit of homework (with a few more tears).  Dinner tonight was Sizzlers with friends.  It was actually a night where we were all going to sit down and help me decide, well, everything really.  I just needed to be able to talk through some ideas and plans for the future with some smart and loving ears and minds.  Levi loves Sizzler, so it is an easy sell for him.

We made it home through the creek without any drama and then Levi had a shower.  Now most people reading will think he stepped into the bathroom, but no he stripped off and ran around outside in the pouring rain.  It did little to wash him at all but it was a fabulous way to run off a little energy and some of the sugar high that results from the free all-you-can-eat dessert bar at Sizzler.  He had an absolute blast and he danced around until he was super tired.  Then we went to play under the sheets with a set of finger lights.  He got little flashlights that are attached to rings that you can put on your fingertips.  There are five colors but the only ones that we had were the red and green ones.  It was such a cool affect I got the iphone and took a few photos of him.  They are very cool!

Painting?

I have bought a oil painting from photo that was on a new website that Mim found for us all.  It is a page that just collates all the Scoopons, Deal of the Day and all the other possible deals in your city that day.  I am afraid it only works for Australia but I'll bet there is an alternate one in USA.  The website is Buyii and it has everything that I have watched in the way of deals and more.  I particularly look for travel type deals and things like canvas photographs.  So anyway, I have been looking through some photos of Frankie and the boys to try to decide which one to use. 

It has made me look through the happy days and it has been a blessing for me to look at these photos.  It reminds me that he (and I) were very happy.  It reminds me that there was a time that he was just a kid running around with his brothers!  He has the chubby Prednisone cheeks in all of these photos but really only I see that.  I have been thinking about Frank a little in the last few days.  So has Levi, interestingly, but I would need to talk to another person to completely talk about that.  I love that Levi thinks about Frank.  I love that he seems to know who he is without the emotional backlash that would be possible for this situation. 

These photos are some of the finalists in the "Get to an Oil Painting" competition!  I wish it was much easier to choose!

Trying again

Ok, so I didn't win the photo contest with the last shot I took on the Great Ocean Road, but I haven't given up.  You can enter in subsequent weeks as well.  This is the next photo that I am going to submit in the hope that I can win a holiday.  A $30K holiday no less!  We had to submit it to 'Nothing Like Australia' contest. 

Cross your fingers!

Camping

Levi Lakeside

Boys playing 'Mud Fight'



Boys playing on the roof of the car



We are back from camping.  Yes, it is a day early.  Levi had a sore tummy so we came home early.  I am completely wiped out so here are some photos and I will (if I remember) write more about it next time

Happier Photos

I am so busy at the moment, I feel like I am drowning.  I can't get ahead at all but I can just place one foot in front of the other.  I am tired and I am stressed but I think the next few weeks will be easier.  Tomorrow is Levi's last day at school and then he has two weeks off.  Hopefully at the end of that two weeks he will be more relaxed.  He too is tired and stressed.  He is fighting bed and waking early, which is not helping either of us. 

This weekend is a yard work one.  I am looking forward to doing some work outside.  The people up the driveway are selling (Thank Goodness) and I want the driveway to be looking fabulous.  I am happy to help them sell!

At the moment we are doing the kid swap shuffle for the first week of vacation.  Levi is booked in for Vacation Care for the second week but I am going to try hard to find friend's houses he can go to for the first three days.  Thursday is a great day at Care so he will go and I have Friday off.  That is the two weeks. 

More Photos from the Beach

Picture What We Did Today

 Winter flowers

 Well enough for soccer again!

New pup Cloe, come for a visit!

Easter Egg Hunting

Levi and I at the Wedding

Solving Storage and Self Esteem

So, What do you do when you can't find enough storage and there is just nowhere to put anything?

You store your children in the furniture!

Of Course!

This is where I found Levi
Why is it that kids always put themselves in small confined spaces?

It has been an interesting day. It has been one of those low self esteem days for me. I'm sure everyone has them. Days when you aren't a good enough anything. Not a good enough Physio, not a good enough mother, not a good enough daughter, not a good enough friend. I am sure that most of the damage is done internally. No one is really telling me those things. Just that little voice inside that tells you that it is not enough. My response is to try to think positively and know that, for me at least, it is temporary.

Some of it is that I have decided that I really am different. My cousin is getting married and Levi and I have been invited. Now I understand what most people, esp most girls are like, but I really truly would rather get my nails pulled than go through the rigmarole of getting frocked up. I am struggling to get up the enthusiasm to go to the Hen's lunch, let alone the wedding. Now don't get me wrong. I love Kath and Ged and think that they will have a long and very happy life. I think that it will be a great wedding. I just would rather sit on a beach beside them and toast them with a few beers. I am thinking of using Levi as an excuse. Taking him to the wedding and then leaving when he gets tired.

But I really am different. It is such hard work for me to do balls and weddings. I am not anti social. I love to go to dinner and to have people over, although that is mostly impossible at the moment. There is nowhere to eat in my house! I do love having afternoon tea and love to chat with friends. I love to sit around in shorts and Tshirts and share Diet Cokes. But those big dos, that require haircuts and makeup and new dresses. Those are torture.

I also have days where the weight I carry is a little much. Today was one such day and there is no real reason behind it. It is not any anniversary and there was no real trigger, none that I remember anyway. It gives a heavy edge to the day regardless of how well you handle it. So I was a little low, all day, until I put Levi to bed!

We snuggled up in the bed after I read him stories and he put his face close to mine and he said;

"Mum you are the best Mum of all"

and with that my self esteem rocketed, and I decided (for today at least), maybe different is OK. Maybe even, different is better

Australia Zoo

Levi teaching the kangaroos how to chew

Jumping


Levi climbing trees

Levi and Zac feeding kangaroos

Levi posing in the croc's mouth

Feeding time!

All the boys jumping

Here are some of the photos from Australia zoo today. These pictures are certainly worth all the words, but suffice to say, a good time was had by all!