First off, I have to correct something. The fish are actually called Dibber and Dabber, and not Dipper and Dapper. Actually more correctly, I think yesterday they were called Dipper and Dapper but I was assured by 'the one who is always right' that they are most definitely bb and not pp. There now all is right with the world!
This week (well three days of it anyway) I am being a real mum. A few weeks before the end of term Levi wanted to know when I was going to be a 'real' mum who drops him off and picks him up from school. Now I am very relaxed about the emotional blackmail employed by the average five year old, but it still hurts a little. How I wish that I could be that real mother. How I wish that I won a lottery that allowed me to be that real mum. That said, I don't think that is what makes a real mum. I have seen mothers who stay at home and 'home school' their kids, where the kids are not as happy or socialized as Levi. I remember calling Child Protective Services on one such mother. I have seen kids picked up and dropped off by their mothers or their nannies, who are not as happy or as socialised as Levi. I think that we all just do our best and the rest is best left with our children's psychologist.
I would love to know what makes the best mother. I am not sure that the answer is the same for every child. I think that the Mummy Mafia is a very scary thing. We are all loath to talk about our failures in parenting to our friends in fear that there will be condemnation in such a frank discussion. If only we could all be more relaxed about that fragile part of us that fears we are screwing up the most important job of all!
I agree that what is "best" depends on the kid & what they need. Being a stay-at-home-mom is no more superior than being a mother who works outside the home & no mom should look down her nose at another just because they have different "titles". I also agree that it'd be nice if women could relax & be really open/honest about their perceived failings as moms; however, when there's the threat that someone might call CPS because they disagree with what they perceive a mom is or is not doing correctly with their children, then that *does* make it difficult to want to let people see what's "real". I'm honestly not condemning you for having called CPS on someone. I feel certain there was more to the story than just her being a homeschooling mom whose children didn't seem as happy or social as Levi. :) I do believe, though, that fear of judgment is what prevents many women from sharing openly what they struggle with.
ReplyDeleteAh Kate,
ReplyDeleteYou know there is always a lot more to it when CPS is involved. Generally CPS is heavily on the side of the parent and so calling them in only really happens when there is likely imminent harm to the child. What I was trying to say was only that staying at home doesn't make a good mother, any more than working does. I can only hope that those kids were saved in time but I suspect not.
I read other blogs at time. Those with much more readership than I would ever aspire to or frankly want to, and I was just wishing that there were fewer 'perfect' mommy blogs and more real life ones!
Hoping that things will settle a bit for you for a while! Thinking of you!
Sue
That "wishing there were fewer 'perfect' mommy blogs and more real life ones" is something I agree with 100%. I have thought that many times.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the kind thoughts... I'd be happy with things settling, too. I'm way past wishing he'd get better... now I'd be okay with him just stabilizing and sticking around, preferably for a really long time.