Today was hard on multiple levels but it was nowhere near as hard as it was for another little family just over the hill. Little Ethan now likely won't make the weekend. His Neuroblastoma wins, he and his family are about to lose. I remember being there; knowing that there is nothing you can do but not quite there yet. I wish there was some way to help them but I know they just need to do it their way.
I am kind of trashed out, I think because it reminds me so much of how much it hurt. Just when you think you are doing OK, suddenly, you are back at the beginning. I keep wishing that the pain will get smaller each time but at the same time dread that because it would mean that I am forgetting and that is the last thing I would ever want.
I told Levi tonight. I don't want him to find out from some other parent or kid.
"Levi, do you remember that Ethan has been really sick?"
"Yes, Is he getting better?"
"No Honey, He's not getting better. He is very sick. He is so sick, he is going to die"
Levi had a little cry but then he perked up.
"Mum, Ethan can play with Frankie until I get there to play with him." "And Don can look after him until his Mum and Dad get there!"
"Yep, Sweetie that is a great thought!"
Levi struggled to get to sleep tonight. I suspect that it will be worse for me. I already have seen my little boy's face all day and have hurt for this new family joining our club. The club that no one wants to join and that changes you forever. I see Ethan's face smiling back at me from these pictures, taken before any of the kids knew what cancer was.
God Speed Little One ..... and give my love to Frankie when he comes to play with you. I will miss you. I miss Frankie
No comments:
Post a Comment