OK, this kid is trying really hard to be completely banged up for his party this weekend. On the way to the car from school he fell. Normally we race to the car and he 'wins' and then laughs hysterically. This time he tripped about half way down and took out his knee. I think there will be no part left to photograph at his party that hasn't some injury from some stack.
Actually I was feeling fragile anyway. I was driving to pick him up from school and thought "What if something happened to him?" It is so strange. I am not naturally a morbid person, but every now and then when I am feeling a little tired or low, a random thought will jump up and mug me. When Frank was alive, I would always comfort myself with the thought that "If I had thought about it, it wasn't going to happen". I think that was true and not true of Frank. So much of what happened to him and to us was so far out of left field it was impossible to predict and the things that I was trying to preempt rarely happened. Of course at the time, I kept thinking that Frank couldn't die because I had admitted it was a possibility. That of course was wrong too.
My work isn't fabulous either at the moment. The big cheeses are deciding things and that also makes me nervous. There is so much to do at the moment and I think that they will be adding to the problem rather than helping me out at all. I just wish there was a bit more direction. I am not liking the shift. However I still love my kids and what we do. I just wish I could just see the kids and hang all the paperwork!
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