Whirlwind

It has been a whirlwind couple of weeks.  We are getting settled all around.  The house was signed for on Friday and hopefully, if the bank does it's thing on time, we get the keys on Monday.  I can't wait to get them and get out of this hotel.  This little apartment has been perfect but there is only so long that you can stay in a tiny, fairly public place! 

 

Blogger is still not letting me upload photos and I have no idea why, but I am in the process now of checking out just making a website that I can do the same thing but not connected to these guys.  I am still in the investigation stage but it comes down to about $10 a year and the whole reason for doing this was to put photos up so I don't forget stuff and the best of the photos are up there.  Anyway, I have no experience in that so it will take a bit of investigation and of course, the time to do that!  I will be sure to post a link if it happens!

 

I am hoping to get it done soon because this new puppy and kitten should be really cute!

Real Ninja Training

I have just got back from Tai Kwon Do.  Levi is finally becoming the ninja he has wanted to be.  I am finding that we are 'living' at the YMCA.  Levi has After School Care there, I work out there and he now has Tai Kwon Do there as well.  It has been fabulous.  Roseburg has a great Y, because the Ford Foundation has put a lot of money into it as a way of giving back to the community.  We will be spending some time yet there I think.

 

Next week, I start work and it will all get fairly regimented, but at the moment there is some freedom.  The house inspection went really well on Monday and there are only cosmetic and little things that need to be done.  Hopefully we can get it all done and we can move in when planned.  We have picked out a puppy and she will be ready to be picked up in early December.  Things are starting to fall into place and I am thinking that in a few months it will feel all very normal and all very settled. 

 

Levi is hanging out for Halloween.  I still have thoughts about Frankie at this time of year.  This was his favorite holiday and he pushed himself beyond all endurance to go out on his last one.  He loved the prep and he loved the night.  I am seeing that reflected in Levi and it is a joy to watch.  There is no real Halloween in Australia, so this will be Levi's first real, night.  He has been very involved in the planning.  He has been very involved in all of it.  He talks about the planning and the night.  I only hope that with the huge buildup in his mind, that the night lives up to his expectations.

 

The US gets set to vote in the next few weeks, and it shows on the TV.  There are a thousand advertisements about Proposition this and Proposal that but as I have already voted (Oregon votes by mail), it is all lost on me. 

House

Levi is loving school and it makes me really happy to drop him off.  He has another week while I am still off work and we are going to practice After School Care starting Wednesday.  After School Care here they get to go swimming Mon, Wed and Friday, so he will have a bunch of time playing in the pool.  If he really loves that, I can get swimming lessons on Tuesday and Thursday, so he swims everyday.  We are now staying in a small one bedroom apartment in one of the hotels.  We only have to stay here for a little while, because we now have a house that is waiting for us!  It is a great house!  I am hoping to be in here in about three weeks but it will depend on inspections and things.  The house has a great view and fantastic gardens.  The best part is it is walking distance to his school and fully fenced, so Ash the puppy isn't too far off now, and that will signal more than anything that we have settled in.

 

We had a weekend in Medford and went to a pumpkin patch.  Levi was in heaven and loved it all!  He picked out a pumpkin and he led us through the corn maze.  He played on the haystack forever.  That was just a start.  Then we went home and carved the pumpkins and made Ninjabread cookies.  Levi's smile just never stopped and he absorbed every minute of it.  He is already thriving.

 

 

Changing!

Sorry I have been so pathetic and haven't even cracked open the computer to write on here.  It still won't let me upload anything and I think that soon I am just going to dump blogger and find another option.  I love having the ability to write some things down, that will stay fresh for me and Levi as he gets older and I forget things, but I also really love the whole photo aspect of it, so it's worth it to find something that works.  These are all bold words for someone who hasn't even managed to crack the laptop open in the last two weeks!

 

In the last eight days, we have changed continents and hemispheres.  We have changed seasons (drastically) and time zones.  I bought a new phone, that I am still mystified as to it's full functioning.  The first time a friend called, I tried everything I could think of to answer the damn thing and failed, resorting instead to calling her back immediately afterwards to confess my inability to function in the technological age!  I have since discovered you have to take the green circle and sweep it across to the red circle or it won't answer.  No amount of poking at the the green circle will work, and you can take it from me, no amount of swearing at the phone while watching it ring works either!  At least the phone has coverage, which is a step up from my phone in Australia, that needed to be answered either up at the goose yard or out the back on the cubby.

 

I bought a new car.  OK, new to me.  It is a 2007 Honda Pilot and has a;ready been great.  I went into it all just needing AWD. cruise control and enough power to tow small things and came out of it with heated leather seats, a navigation system and a moonroof.  The thing that sold it to Levi was the charger for the back seat, so that when he was playing on the iPad back there, it wouldn't run out of battery.  I liked that it has separate heating/cooling controls for the back seat.  It all sounds fancy and would be a lot more impressive if the navigation system didn't keep trying to send me to Florida and the weather necessitated heated seats.  Still it will do what I need it to and will travel the Roseburg-Medford trip easily.

 

Yesterday, Robert and Ken came up to Roseurg to check out a house, that I subsequently put an offer in for that afternoon.  It is within a five minute walk from school, so close enough, Levi can walk home and get things he has forgotten during the day.  It is fenced enough for a dog without any work and is an easy house to just move straight into.  I went to the bank today and got confirmation this afternoon that I was preapproved, so all we are really waiting on now is to see if the offer is accepted.  In the meantime, Levi and I are staying in a hotel for the five days and will travel back to Medford after school Friday.  Hopefully I can find us somewhere to settle, because the transition has been hard on us all, but most of all on Levi.

 

Today was his first day at his new school and I got some great photos of him standing in front all proud.  He made it until lunch and then I got called to get him because his 'heart was heating up from the inside'.  It is as good a description of nervous indigestion as I have heard.  I sat with him at lunch to see if I could get him to stay, but he was too tired and too overwhelmed.  I think likely he is still pretty lagged, as I know I am. 

 

It has been a frantic frenetic week.  I hope it settles soon!

Party Day

Today we had the goodbye brunch.  Actually more accurately, it was a goodbye breakfast that stretched through lunch to dinner.  It started at 8am and ended about 6pm!  An extravagance of well wishing!  I am going to start doing more on birthdays I think.  It seems a pity to wait until people are going away/getting married or being buried to tell them how much you appreciate them.  It is lovely to hear how much you will be missed.  I think that employee would be less likely to leave if they hear things like that more often too.  I saw people today that I haven't seen for years!  It is just fun to catch up like that.  Levi played with kids all day, they changed faces and ages but he had people all day as well.  He had fun running and playing and jumping on the trampoline. 

 

At one point he started to fade and as there was a lull in the kid numbers, I told him to just go downstairs and have a bit of quiet time.  He grateful and went and played with his Legos for a bit.  There isn't much left down there for him anymore, as most of the toys have been either sorted or shipped, but there are enough to keep him happy.  I am glad that he had a chance to rest because soon after there was another group of kids to play with and it meant he happily had a second wind.

 

I had a great day and one of my friends had organized for all my friends to write in a book that I can take with me and read on darker lonelier days! 

Packing

It continues to be pretty wild around here.  The company that is relocating some of our stuff is coming tomorrow afternoon and so my time has been, goodbye parties, packing and collapsing onto the couch.  As Blogger still won't let me load photos, I haven't bothered to come and update much.  There has been way too much other stuff going on!  I am just too tired tonight to pack more and not quite tired enough to go to bed early.  I think that sometimes there is so much to do it all blurs into one big thing.  I hope that I can get it all organized for transport tomorrow but frankly, don't really care if I don't!  Much of what I am taking is for sentimental reasons alone and I can always pick it up on subsequent visits back here. 

 

I had Mim here helping the other day.  Her job, and Levi's was to go through the toys and decide what was going and what he had either grown out of or lost the pieces to and put them in piles.  I looked over at one point to one huge pile and a modest little pile beside it.  I laughed because I assumed that the big pile was the 'take to USA pile' but instead it was the give/throw away pile.  Levi again amazed by his maturity, deciding that he could live without many of the toys.  His decisions were made easier by the fact that we are taking all the Lego and all the Playmobil, so he didn't need to sort that.  The best thing about all of that is when he complains that he can't find something and goes to get mad at me, I can remind him who in fact made all those decisions!

 

There is only nine days before we are going off on the big adventure.  Today was the last day that we would ever be at Samford State school and I had mixed feelings leaving it behind.  It has been a pretty good school but I am excited that Levi will have the chance to try something new.  He has some good friends behind it's gates but he will keep in touch with most of them!  The teachers from Vacation Care were definitely sad to see him go!

Beach Day

Today we went to King's beach Caloundra.  It was just a gorgeous day and I took lots of really fun photos that now won't upload to Blogger no matter what I do to it.  I think soon I am going to switch to something else so I can load photos and do what I want.  I can't complain about the price because it's free, but still it is months now and getting pretty annoying. 

 

We went to the beach because I'm so tired of packing and other things and I just wanted a day off.  I wanted a day to just play in the sun and and spend some time with friends.  Levi had a blast and was just supremely happy all day.  He laughed a bunch.  He ran around and swam in the ocean.  He was just happy and carefree and unstressed for a day and as close as was possible, so was I.  The day and the weather was perfect!  I am feeling refreshed and recharged and because of it, I might just last the next two weeks and not say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing. 

Unsettled

I am feeling unsettled and so is Levi.  As an adult, I can mostly hide it and just feel a bit 'off my game', but for Levi, it is a little more obvious.  Moving schools at any age is stressful, moving to a school in a different continent, that much more so.  Moving house across town is stressful and across the world, that much more so.  I actually don't have a whole bunch to do at the moment.  I have pretty much chosen what is going and what isn't.  Given that the moving company is packing it all, I can just stack it in a corner and stop worrying about it.  I can leave the pictures on the wall until they pack them up and take them away.  I will miss them until I get them back and I think that the next place will become truly home when my pictures arrive to make it so.  At least I have an excuse for the house looking like a bomb has hit it!

 

Levi has four days left of school here but is begging me to stay home for 'just one day'.  He is tired but lies awake at night struggling to sleep because he can't switch it off.  Tonight he went to sleep with the big main light on, and about an hour after his bedtime was still fairly fitfully attempting to sleep.  Poor sweet thing.

 

The next three weeks are busy but not crazy.  Levi has a week of school and then two weeks of vacation and I have to work for all of it.  At the end of the three weeks we fly out. 

Art and Math

To make Blogger allow me to upload photos, I have to clear my browser history; every single freaking time!  It is starting to get a bit annoying and I am hoping that they are doing something about it behind the scenes but in the meantime, I am getting good at clearing my browser history!  I continue to be really pretty busy, trying to get things finished and organized in time for; transport of our stuff in two weeks, goodbye brunch in two weeks and leaving work in three weeks.  We fly out thirty eight hours after finishing work.  In the meantime, life goes on.  Levi had some art work in the Samford State School Art Festival.  He and his class made Australian animals out of clay.  Levi made a koala and I think it's fabulous!  He also made a Black Cockatoo out of his hand prints.  He was very proud and really wanted to go to the Art Show to show it off. 

 



 Today, Levi was playing with numbers again and I am reminded again why I am leaving this school.  He is playing with fractions at the moment.  He has worked out that 1/2 and 2/4 are the same and all the way to 8/16.  Then he plays with the numbers.  Tonight going to sleep, he wanted a sum and I gave him 45 + 77.  He had no difficulty and then wanted fractions.  I gave him 7 1/2 + 1 3/4 and after thinking a bit, he gave me 9 1/4.  Levi's math homework this week?  Adding in tens to 100 + 100.  Really?  He has been doing that since he was, oh I don't know, I don't remember.  It will be nice to get him to a system that may be able to give him reading at one level and math at another.  I don't have the luxury to be able to fully school him at home and I don't think that I would be very good at it either, but I am getting tired of stupid homework.  Levi has been tired of it for a while! 

There be Dragons!

Blogger is being a pain in the bum again.  I am never sure if it is them or if it is our Internet.  Either way, loading photos has become extraordinarily painful and slow.  I am finding myself less on the computer and more getting things organized to move to USA.  In fact, I am pretty sure that Levi has been on the computer more than I have in the last week or so.  I am feeling a myriad of emotions but mostly I am just feeling exhausted.  I wake up and go to sleep exhausted, but I am thinking that this will only be for a finite time and then it will all settle down again.  Levi is very very excited, but is showing signs of the stress as well.  He is needing more time to go to sleep at night and after one frustrating night I went in and discovered that he had needed to be guarded by his wonderful stuffed dogs; Icy and Kiedy.  He had propped them up on the edges of the bed.  even in his sleep he has a slightly stressed expression on his face.  I am thinking that it will make him stronger in the long run but is a bit of a struggle now! 

 

He is seeking out small places to put himself in the day time and covering himself in blankets.  He is doing what needs to be done to ground himself and keep his emotions where they should be.  Mostly he is excited but I think sometimes he is a bit scared; at least nervous anyway.  Truthfully that is what I am feeling too.  I see his stress in the toys he plays with and the way he interacts.  he is building and drawing dragons to protect 'people' and on a couple of mornings built this paper dragon that is the size of the desk.  It is complicated and intricate and designed to 'be strong and look after people if they are scared'.  I am sure that he is doing exactly that!  There are some live dragons around now too!  There are baby Water Dragons at the creek.  Hundreds of them!  They scurry away from the car as you drive past and sun themselves on the rocks.  It is a joy to watch them!

New Things

We are moving.  Finally it is all public knowledge enough that I can talk about it.  Levi and I are moving back to USA.  We are moving out from under this house and 8500 miles north and east.  I have a new job in Roseburg, Oregon and it works on the school schedule.  It means that after years of feeling bad about how much time I am not bringing Levi up, I can actually have a work schedule that coincides with his school schedule.  We will get vacations together and even though he will need to spend some time in After School care, he won't be in there until close to closing. 

 

I am leaving much behind, and that is killing me but I think that the long term benefit for both of us is worth all that in the end.  Levi is excited.  He will be in shouting distance of his brothers (or an hour and a half in the car), but at least within weekend/birthday/Christmas distance.  I too am getting excited but only in between bouts of nervousness and fear.  I feel bad leaving my kids here.  I care so much about how they are fairing but know that I can only give them tools and I can't be that tool.  I need to do what is right for Levi and I and yet I will try to help from a distance.  I don't know!  Now even my writing is sounding like drivel. 

 

I have so much to do but everything is fraught.  Everything.  Staying here.  Going to USA.  I don't even know where to start 

Levi Being Clever

Levi had a 'Good Day' at school today. The class had to perform at assembly and sang a beautiful song about things that stick to walls.  Before your mind goes where mine did when he told me that, it was about animals that stick to walls.  His part was about geckos and he also remembered the part about Green Tree Frogs as well.  If I can get the videos to upload, I will put them on.  I wasn't able to go and watch him perform it because I had to work, but he was as happy to sing it again after I picked him up from After School Care.  The last video he laughs because (being a boy) he did manage to add a bit of noise from another orifice in time with his singing.  Only boys, and you know what?  They never grow out of it!

 

Once Again I am having trouble loading things.  Maybe I better check out Google again!

Look Who's Clever!

I managed to make Blogger do something!  Actually, I only followed old instructions from a friend.  Her advice and it is very good advice is; "If you are having a problem with something, generally someone else in the world is also having the same problem!  When in doubt Google it and ask!"  Well she was right.  I think it is very funny that she (and her husband) work writing code and fixing hardware/software problems but their go to option is just to check out Google!

 

My eyes are starting to ungum and Levi actually went to bed without Ventolin tonight.  I don't want to say anything too loud to tempt fate but I think we might actually be getting better!  I went back to work without problems and then helped tape up a friend's chest where she has strained muscles from coughing so hard!  Yes, the office is pulling itself out from under a wave of illness as well. 

Goop and Grossness

This has been an interesting week, to say the least.  It has pretty much been one thing after another and we are just crawling out from under it.  One illness after another meant that I worked little this week.  I think it was Monday, half of Tuesday and a few hours on Friday.  Levi was having problems with his asthma and we stayed home Tuesday morning but I took him into work to do some things that afternoon.  I went to bed early and was feeling 'fuzzy' but it wasn't tiredness.  I woke early and pretty much kept half a glass of Sprite down between then and the next day.  It took a while to shake that off and I went to work Friday but didn't see kids because I felt it was too risky.  As I was driving home, my vision kept blurring, which was a bit odd but I figured that the contacts were getting old.

 

The next morning, I couldn't open my right eye at all, it was completely gummed shut.  The left eye was better but still pretty goopy.  So Saturday was a write off as well.  I could see again once I started to use the antibiotic eye treatment but I was still pretty light sensitive.  We had a bunch of things that we had to do that day though.

 

Levi had his soccer breakup and I would love to show the photos but in the last week, haven't had time to even to start to look at why Blogger is being such a butt about the photos.  I haven't had the strength or the eyesight!  Levi's breakup was really fun.  I stayed mostly in the shade chatting to one of the Dads.  They had a fun park, and Levi is now at an age and Samford is such a place that he could run off and play on the jumping castle and mini golf without my watching him.  They had a Laser Skirmish and lots of kids playing soccer all over the place.   Levi just found his friends, got $10 for a stamp on his arm to allow him access and then was gone until lunch time.

 

This morning I am finally on the computer, interspersed with Levi needing it for homework and all the things that I have had to do last week and for obvious reasons didn't.  I can only hope that next week we crawl out of this hole that we have inadvertently crawled into.  Because, you know what?  This isn't much fun!

Day Off

My computer is still being a butt about photo uploads.  I have no idea what is it's problem and because of that I am working on the theory that it will just fix itself, without my having to do anything, but I'm guessing that is unlikely.  I might have to at least google the problem. 

 

Today Levi had the day off school.  He has been coughing and wheezing all night and by the morning was so hyped up on asthma drugs, I thought it unfair on him, but especially on his teacher to send him in.  I didn't have the same luxury and he just had to come to work with me.  It meant that he sat at my desk and played on the computer while I saw the kids and went to the meetings that I needed.  Levi was pretty chilled out and calm by then and he was great about staying put.  I think he was tired and sick enough that sitting at a desk for hours or lying on the floor under my desk was just what was called for. 

 

Levi is already having a better night.  Better because I can't hear him from here and even when I walk into his room, I have to be fairly close before I hear him whistle breathing.  I think that we will both get more sleep tonight.  Counting on it!!

 

My mind is a bit foggy tonight, mostly due to lack of sleep I think!

 

Good night!

Saturday

I have some great photos that for whatever reason, my server is failing to upload them!  Anyway, today was good and bad.  First off we had the last soccer game of the season.  It was a great game because it was closely matched and secondly because it was against a team that the other parents are good friends.  The kids played against each other for the game and then they played with each other in a scrap game afterwards because, of course, they hadn't used up all their energy yet.  Levi has had some late nights lately.  Last night we went to sleep around 10pm.  The night before was the sad night that I took forever getting him to sleep.  He tends to wake earlier on days that he goes to sleep later, unfortunately! 

 

After soccer we went to the dentist to get his cavity filled.  This was new for him and he had no real idea going into it, what was going to happen.  I had told him but telling is not the same.  Injecting into the molars is very painful.  Levi tolerated it all and then after she was done he leaned forward and cried and cried.  It has been a bad week for him!  At least it will encourage him to clean his teeth a little better in the future.

 

Learning?

Today I had to give a presentation on Family Centered Practice and sit on a panel for four hours and have people ask me questions.  It means that I talk a little about Frankie and what it was like to be the parent in that situation.  This was for Logan hospital and had a lot of nurses and therapists who are all very used to the medical model, where the professional 'knows best'.  In that model, the parent's job is just to bow and scrape and be grateful for the gems of therapy passed down to them.  That is an exaggeration but still parents have little control or power.

One of the things that I talk about is the things that I learned from Frankie:

 

—Even people who look like they are coping likely aren’t

—In a medical appointment, clients hear the first and sometimes the second piece of information

—If the first piece of information is hard, stressful or scary, you only hear that and nothing else

—A home programme that isn’t integrated to normal daily life is useless

No one knows what is happening at home except the people living it

That came straight off the slide but it always makes me a little sad that I can't tell the full story.  I can't tell in these high level medical presentations, that those things listed above, are only a part of the story and no the most important.  What I really learned from Frankie:

 

The value of time - I learned that each moment of Frankie's life was no more valuable than any moment of Levi's but because Frank's was shorter, it taught me to value each moment, regardless of if you have three years to be with them or a lifetime.  Frank wasn't more valuable than Levi and vice versa isn't true either.  They are seperately precious.  A child doesn't become more important than his brothers because he is dying but the time becomes a finite commodity. 

 

The value of patience - If there is anything you need with a very sick kid, it is patience.  You will need to explain the same things over and over and over again, but it isn't that interveiwers fault.  They too are doing their job.  Some better than others.

 

Don't bite the hand - Other than the quote from Madagascar (which makes me think of this all the time), I think this is an important lesson.  Even though you are tired and beyond stressed, if you yell, scream or otherwise bitch at the medical professionals that you need, even if they are saints, it will affect the alacrity they will respond when you need them.  The extension of that is also true, if you make them a part of your team, they will respond faster.  It is the Pavlov thing over again.

 

The value of stillness - I think that it is easier to be in the throes of having Frankie sick, than it was to be in the stillness after he had died.  I had been in a place where every second mattered and counted.  I had things that needed to be done all the time and the consequences of mistakes were huge.  Afterwards, I had to relearn how to be normal again.  I am not completely normal in that way.  I still watch sunsets more than most and look for pictures in the clouds.  I have learned that the calmness that follows the frenzy is at least as difficult emotionally but that calmness is important.

 

I wish that I could talk about how much I learned from Frank and how important he was to me.  If I did, I would cry and they wouldn't get what they were supposed to be getting out of it.  This was my last slide:

 

"As a parent I felt that trying to keep Frank from dying was like trying to hold sand in my hands in a hurricane.  No one ever gave me more sand.  Most health professionals increased the power of the hurricane.  Only with the people who trusted me and my ability to care for my son, did I feel like they were helping to protect us from the storm."

That is Family Centred Practice

 I was already in a bit of a fragile state when I went to pick Levi up from After School Care.  When he saw me, he burst into tears.  He had had a bad day as well.  Lots of things went wrong today.  His friends didn't play with him, he didn't get two answers on a test and the kid who was reading with him was not as nice as he could have been.  Pretty much he needed to cry for a half an hour beening held by someone who loved him.  Luckily that's what I needed too.  Things are back in flux and we are both craving certainty and clarity.  I hope it isn't too far off, for both our sakes.

Day Off

I took today off.  I have been pretty sick the last week or so but today was the first day that I didn't urgently need to do something at work and I took the opportunity gratefully.  Given that I am still coughing I guess that I still need a few more quiet ones.  Also, unless I am harboring some little green aliens that I have to expel, I probably shouldn't be around anyone too immune suppressed anyway. 

Levi has gone to bed and is sound asleep.  He went on a field trip today to Lone Pine with his whole grade level.  He was so excited that he woke early and was so excited about the whole thing that he barely stopped talking all morning.  It seems his whole year group was infected with the same excitement because when I dropped him off this morning, the volume of the talking was at least double compared to a normal morning.  This afternoon, it was a little different.  They all had a dazed look about them and Levi came home and sat on the couch eating corn chips until dinner.  He was just trashed!

Now I am going to go snuggle up as well pretty soon!

Back Online

We are back online.  Our Internet has been shut off for the last two days.  I am not completely cut off because my phone is still 3G and I can get my emails when I am not at the house (we have no coverage under this house).  I finally got a hold of the provider today and they had cut us off because we had reached a new arbitrary limit above our plan!  So let me see.  You put the limit there, not me.  We have gone hundreds and once a thousand dollars over when my brother Jack comes out, but we have always paid on time.  So randomly we are getting a limit and then held to it, all without letting us know!  Yes I was a little annoyed but I am guessing it isn't the girl on the phone's fault!

It has been a busy and a quiet weekend.  Friday night we had Ty over for a sleepover and the boys played until about 9.30 at night and then got up early.  They played all day.  Needless to say by Saturday night Levi was dragging.  Ty had gone home in the late afternoon and Levi was barely able to make it through dinner.  It was Sizzler which was worth staying awake for. 

Soccer this week was 'Cancer Week'.  We all buy special yellow soccer socks for the kids where all the money is donated back to the Cancer Council.  The kids then all wear the socks together on a designated day.  It made me feel proud of the club for such a good idea and to involve all the kids in something a little bigger than themselves.  It is especially poignant for me with Bill's birthday in August.  I still miss him heaps at times even though it has been a long time, nearly sixteen years.

Today was a slow one.  It started slow.  We were slow to get dressed and lounged in front of the TV for a while before we did anything at all.  We didn't have to go out at all.  We didn't have anything that we had to do and so we didn't do anything!  Levi was pleased about the Internet being down because some of his homework had to be done on the Internet and he thought he would get out of it!

Ekka Motorbikes

Pretty much this was all Levi liked at the big show, 'The Ekka'

Learning to be an Extrovert

I am relearning what I learnt as a child.  I am relearning to act extroverted.  It is really interesting to me, that the world is so skewed to extroversion.  It seems to me that if we had more people that thought about what they did before they did it; or hesitated before they said things, the world would be a calmer, safer and more relaxed place.  But that isn't who gets the attention.  The more confident you appear, the more loud you are then the more attention is paid.  Look at the drivel on TV.  I mean, really, who cares about Lara Bingle or any of the Kardashians.  I have no idea what is really happening inside their brains, but they certainly act as if their neurons barely interact, let alone synapse.  Why the hell are we watching their every move and paying attention to all the drivel that comes out of their mouths.  Because they are pretty and because they are extroverts.  They thrive on that attention.  It is what drives them.

My definition of an extrovert/introvert is a little different than most.  I think it is all about energy.  If being with lots of people gives you energy, you are an extrovert.  If being with a group of people drains you of energy, then you are an introvert.  Now that isn't saying anything about what or how you act in those positions.  I am happy to interact with larger groups of people and have little worry about talking in front of crowds, but it takes an enormous effort to do so.  It drains me and I will require a large amount of 'alone time' afterwards to refill my 'tank'.  My alone time doesn't necessarily require actually being alone but with only trusted people and only a few at a time. 

My family views introversion as some sort strange frightening disease.  I remember talking to my mother about time alone and she said that she could see no value in it and had no understanding of why people used that as an excuse.  This was only a couple of years ago.  My older brother is the supreme extrovert.  He too thrives on people and attention and loudness and chaos.  I wish I could be like that but the best I can do is to act it. 

As I am in the throes of the plans to move out from under this house, this difference in us is more and more apparent.  As I look ahead to quieter times, with more control over my life and decisions, I meet the speculation of why I would want that.  They are right, I don't want that, want is too simple a word.  I crave it completely as a part of my very core.  I am happy to act extroverted during the day because that is what works best, but having to act it at home in private time is becoming impossible to maintain.  I am continuing but I am tiring.

Wild Busy Day

Today was a whole weekend worth of activities in a single day!  It was nutso busy but it was fun.  Levi had soccer first thing and he is still playing a little slowly with his cold but he still has fun and gets his pulse rate up a little.  There are only a couple more weekends of soccer now and we have a breakup BBQ on Wednesday night after practice.  The kids won 5 - 4 so the match was really close.  At one point one of the boys on our team tried to kick a ball and missed it completely.  He, our team, the other team and all the parents thought it was funny.  No one feels to bad about it all and they are still making mistakes like own goals at times.  There was one a side this match.  Levi's good mate Robbie came to watch the match, with his dad Mark and that always boosts Levi's spirits a little.

After soccer we went to Levi's mate Ty's sister's birthday party.  Yes it was really that close.  Actually we were there to give Ty a friend when his sister had her special day.  It was a princess party and Levi dressed up as a prince.  He was gorgeous.  Sorry, he was handsome!  I am getting into trouble with him at times now if I call him beautiful or gorgeous in public.  I still get away with it in private!

 Look at this sweet tired face!

In the beginning, I took some photos.  Levi had to put on this growly face and it wasn't until later and a telephoto lens before I could get a shot of him without this face!  I love it because he was trying to look cranky but still he has the big smile that he can't resist!

After the party, we went and saw Ice Age, Continental Drift.  It was more about trying to slough off some of the party sugar, than it was about the movie.  We had both seen it before but the choice of children's movies at the moment is poor.  As we were choosing by time rather than by movie, Ice Age was the only choice.  Still Levi invited a friend and they had fun talking at the top of their lungs to and from the movie and being good and eating their body weight in popcorn.

Just Back

Just got back from Townsville on Outreach.  It is the last Outreach for the year and I am very grateful for that!  I am just really tired.  It is hard to do very long days that end up in a hotel room and Levi on the phone wanting me home.  It is rewarding but it is exhausting!  I will post again as soon as I get the energy!  Probably tomorrow!

Swimming Mid Winter

We are getting back in the groove again.  Levi is getting slowly better with his asthma but it has been an uphill battle this time.  It may just be that we are having a cold spell and with the humidity and mold around, it is playing with his pipes!  We had soccer again this morning and I took my camera again because we were having team shots and I thought that I might save some money by taking my own while the professional shots were being taken.  I ended up being busy at the time anyway, so I am going to have to cough up the money.  I don't mind but generally the shots are pretty ordinary and not really worth the money.  Levi was having an 'old' day.  One of those days where he could as easily be seventeen years old as seven. 

 

Then after doing homework, Ty came over for a play and a sleepover.  The kids had a blast and are now sound asleep in bed.  They had to have a fire by the creek again and I was happy to help them.  They played in the creek until they were blue and shaking and then warmed up by the fire and then got straight back in the creek!  Then we toasted marshmallows, poked at the fire a bit more and then I put them straight in the shower to get them warmed back up fully!

This is the other thing we did.  Any hints?  Yes, he spent all of the soccer game scratching his head, so I checked and he had some head lice.  We washed, conditioned and combed out his hair with a fine tooth comb!

Night Soccer

Sorry about the blurriness of this shot, it was the best a hand held iPhone could do at night.   Actually it isn't that bad given the fact that it was dark!  Tonight, Levi decided that he wanted to start singing again at night which I am really happy about.  He says that his music teacher 'sings like birds singing'! Maybe he has a bit of a crush on her!  Regardless, it was a beautiful thing to say and we got to sing a fairly eclectic musical array before bed; Maxwell's Silver Hammer, Amazing Grace and Jingle Bells. 

It has been really cold and his asthma (for something completely different) is completely out of control for him.  He needs to use the Ventolin about every two to three hours.  I was talking with friends tonight and all those with asthmatic kids are out of control too.  It must have something to do with the wind coupled with the cold.

Not Much Happening

I am up watching the Olympics.  Actually, more specifically, I am watching what Channel Nine will allow me to watch; mostly swimming and equestrian!  It is more like watching the Toddlers and Tiaras show about toddlers doing beauty pageants, lots of tantrums and spitting of the dummy (pacifier).  I am not sure why we feel the need to initially pick on the athletes look or body shape and then venerate them.  It is the Olympics, people!  If they weren't world class athletes, they wouldn't have qualified!  I generally love watching but I miss having cable, where I can actually watch some of the lesser televised sports, like water polo.  It saddens me that we watch some sports almost exclusively, to the extent that I have seen the same losing 4 X 100 Freestyle race about sixteen times, but they haven't managed to show any soccer, or water polo or..... Anyway, you can get the frustration.

I am in a holding pattern at the moment, waiting for things to happen around me and unable to do anything to speed it up or affect the future at all.  I think some of it is that I am just tired. Outreach, week at work and then Outreach again is a bit crippling but at least it will be all over for the year!

Saturday Slow Down

It feels like it's been forever since I opened my computer!  I have been on Outreach in Cairns for the last week and Saturday was just about catching up!  I am now watching the Olympic games and loving it!  I love the idea of the games.  I love that the torch is lit the same way as it was in 776 BC, although I imagine finding a priestess of Apollo is likely a little harder to find, esp a virgin one!  It lasted a thousand years then and it would be lovely to see it last that long again.  The games have already survived world wars, depressions, pandemics, cold wars and the egos of thousands of elite athletes! I get a little annoyed by the coverage by the TV channels but I guess that they play to the majority and I have rarely been in there!  At least I can go to a friend's house (She has Foxtel) and they have eight channels playing different Olympic coverage so I might be able to see some waterpolo and not have to only watch beach volleyball and swimming!

Levi is not going to outgrow asthma this winter.  We dodged it a little by returning to summer for a big chunk but it is back in full force now!  It is hard when he is sick and I am on Outreach, because his options for staying home are limited.  I can only listen to him cough on the end of the phone and hope he does ok at school.  Naturally he survived!  I still feel bad.

Today is a quiet one.  We will do little boring things like shopping for the week and homework.  At least tonight, we get to go to Sizzler with friends!

South Bank

Today we went to South Bank to ride on the 'Wheel of Brisbane'.  It is kind of like the London Eye but smaller.  We went with friends who had a coupon for a half off.  When we got there it was closed, so after all that we didn't get to ride anyway.  It didn't really matter.  It was a beautiful day and the kids ran around happily chasing birds and each other and we sat in the sun and chatted.  It was a lovely way to spend a day.  You can see in Levi's eyes that he is still tired and we are both getting better but not quite there with the jet lag thing! 

The boys are so fun together and spent a lot of the afternoon conferring with each other about forts and what they were going to do to take after the seagulls again.  Just young child play.  Play that I love.  The kind that doesn't require adult interaction or direction and that seems to be as fluid as possible.  Next week I am on Outreach in Cairns for the week.  Levi will sleep upstairs for the week and I will work long hours.  It's fine but I miss him when I am gone!

Still Struggling!

As you can see by the lack of blog posts, nights are still really hard at the moment!  I get to about nine at night and feel like I am really dragging.  It means that I drag myself to bed and catch up a bit further on sleep.  Levi is doing a bit better than I am, for which I am extremely grateful.  I think that in the next few nights I will try to stay up longer and see if I can switch it before IO have to go on Outreach next week.

Outreach to Cairns is not ideal the week after I got back for lots of reasons.  The biggest is that it doesn't give me much time to help with the organization or planning of it all.  The smallest reason is that I am still 'off' in my timing and sleep/wake cycle.  This time it was moved because the OT that I am going with is pregnant and we had to move it so she could still fly. 

Today we went back into normal weekends.  Levi has soccer and then we are catching up with friends.

 

Getting Back to Normal

We are gradually getting back to a schedule that resembles normal.  The first day back was exhausting.  Levi coped with most of the day at school but when I went to pick him up he was lying at his desk.  His teacher said that he had only been there for about ten minutes but I took him home a little early.  I am still struggling to stay up late enough and waking really early.  Really early! Two in the morning usually but I can generally get back to sleep for another hour or so.  Still I end up being wide awake at about five in the morning.  Levi continues to drag at night along with me so we try to keep each other up!  It is just that much harder to stay up after he has gone to bed. 

It has been raining pretty steadily since we got home.  As this is the dry season, that is a little odd but not completely odd.  The causeway is lapping over but isn't running over yet, but I suspect will be by the morning

Back to Oz

This was our last day in USA.  Levi and I flew out at two in the afternoon, so we had some time in the morning to play.  We went to the park and played on the play structure and then when it was too hot to do anything else, we played in the water at the splash pad!  It was a great way to get running around before having to sit for the next, well, forever!  Levi got the option to travel in the convertible and he was very happy to exercise that!  So off he went in that and the rest of us went in the bigger car.  It was so much fun.  The playground had a snake thing that flexed at two points and the trick was to try to walk from one side to the other or alternatively, hold on for dear life as your brothers try to shake you off by violently moving it up and down.  They also had a flat bench on springs.  It was hard enough to stand still on it because any inherent tremor would get magnified until you were unable to stand.  We tried to hop the length of the bench.  I got about three quarters of the way before falling. 

At the splash pad, the boys pretty much had it to themselves for most of the time.  It meant that they could play wilder, older games in the water and not feel as if they were putting other kids in danger.  They played and played until we had to go to the airport.  It all made for lovely exercise prior to the flights.  The flights were a bit harder than normal.  First off we were flying Virgin Australia rather than Qantas and I suspect that we won't make that mistake again.  When we got to LAX we had been booked in separated seats.  So Virgin in their wisdom had booked my seven year old son a whole bulkhead away from me.  I jumped up and down and finally we got seats together but it meant that we were in the center.  Nothing to prop Levi against so he could sleep!  Eventually I got him sleeping by pulling him up on my lap and holding his legs bent.  Every now and then, I would not be paying attention and the sleeping boy would stretch his legs out, planting his foot on our next seat neighbour's jaw!  Sorry!

Ah well!  You live and learn, and fly Qantas! 

Scienceworks

Levi, Evan and I went to Scienceworks.  It is a science and discovery museum and we all loved it.  We made bubbles on, in and around us.  We climbed a time wall.  We tested our bodies in all different ways.  We raced wheelchairs and we played with sand!  It is just lovely.  We have about three days left of summer and then Levi and I fly back to winter in Australia.  The last few nights have been late ones as people come over to connect before we leave again.  It is great to see everyone.  Because this trip has involved lots of 'going away' time, the 'here' time has been fairly limited and we are trying to squeeze time out of thin air!

After Scienceworks, we went to Lithia Park in Ashland to eat lunch and have a play.  We were racing through a path that Evan had designated as the competitive one and I grabbed the fireman's pole and it caught my skin.  My palm has a big blister now, and all because I am too inherently competitive to allow a 13 year old and a 7 year old to beat me!  That will teach me!   Well for a minute anyway!