Learning to be an Extrovert

I am relearning what I learnt as a child.  I am relearning to act extroverted.  It is really interesting to me, that the world is so skewed to extroversion.  It seems to me that if we had more people that thought about what they did before they did it; or hesitated before they said things, the world would be a calmer, safer and more relaxed place.  But that isn't who gets the attention.  The more confident you appear, the more loud you are then the more attention is paid.  Look at the drivel on TV.  I mean, really, who cares about Lara Bingle or any of the Kardashians.  I have no idea what is really happening inside their brains, but they certainly act as if their neurons barely interact, let alone synapse.  Why the hell are we watching their every move and paying attention to all the drivel that comes out of their mouths.  Because they are pretty and because they are extroverts.  They thrive on that attention.  It is what drives them.

My definition of an extrovert/introvert is a little different than most.  I think it is all about energy.  If being with lots of people gives you energy, you are an extrovert.  If being with a group of people drains you of energy, then you are an introvert.  Now that isn't saying anything about what or how you act in those positions.  I am happy to interact with larger groups of people and have little worry about talking in front of crowds, but it takes an enormous effort to do so.  It drains me and I will require a large amount of 'alone time' afterwards to refill my 'tank'.  My alone time doesn't necessarily require actually being alone but with only trusted people and only a few at a time. 

My family views introversion as some sort strange frightening disease.  I remember talking to my mother about time alone and she said that she could see no value in it and had no understanding of why people used that as an excuse.  This was only a couple of years ago.  My older brother is the supreme extrovert.  He too thrives on people and attention and loudness and chaos.  I wish I could be like that but the best I can do is to act it. 

As I am in the throes of the plans to move out from under this house, this difference in us is more and more apparent.  As I look ahead to quieter times, with more control over my life and decisions, I meet the speculation of why I would want that.  They are right, I don't want that, want is too simple a word.  I crave it completely as a part of my very core.  I am happy to act extroverted during the day because that is what works best, but having to act it at home in private time is becoming impossible to maintain.  I am continuing but I am tiring.