Man Training

Today was a typical Saturday.  We got up early and went to Shark Bait Kids.  Levi is now swimming most of the time we are there which is about 4 hours.  It must exhaust him but he just keeps going and going.  He is loving learning to use the regulator and spending time under the water.  The kids all love him and he loves them.  Pretty much win/win for everyone.  

On the way home we picked up Ty so Levi could have a friend and a bit of a play.  They were actually both pretty tired so for some of the playdate they watched "How to train your dragon".  Levi had no trouble watching it on the small screen and not in three D.  I finally saw the end of the movie that had been so ill fated for me in the past.  Initially Levi and i had gone to see the movie at the cinema, but the fire and throwing swords in 3D all proved too much for Levi.  He wanted to go home part way through the movie.  i gave him the iphone and asked if he could sit there and play (So I could watch the movie).  He didn't want to listen either as the sounds were too scary.  I finally paid attention and remembered why and for whom we were at the movie.  We left.  

About three weeks later we were in Kmart and as Levi was looking at books, I walked past a kid's book of the movie.  I thought "Fabulous, I can see how it finishes".  So I started reading.  Just as I got to the point where we had left the movie, a lady walking past had a big seizure next to me and fell on the ground.  Now I know very well that there is little I can do in this situation and in fact could have stood there and finished the book without altering her care, but I also knew just how bad it would have 'looked'.  So I stopped reading, stopped the person who wanted to put something in her mouth and got help and then resolved myself to never knowing the end of the movie.  

I went to a friend's 40th birthday party tonight and Levi was babysat by his cousin Sam.  Sam came over all happy and prepared for some 'Man Training'.  Sam needed a shave, so instead of shaving at home, he brought extra stuff and he and Levi had a shave together.  Levi had a blast ........ and then went to bed.  He is trashed! 

Turn the radio up!

There are just those days that you have to revert to one of the 'rules'.  When Frank died, I made up a whole lot of 'rules' to help me navigate the horrible first few days and the worse next ones.  It seems that on down days I seem to revert to one or more of those rules to help you make it through the day feeling like shit but still being professional at work and loving and attentive at home.  Now when I am not at work and Levi is asleep I can let my guard down a little and vent to a faceless blog.  I can look back on the day and on the week and laugh inside about my coping skills or lack of them.  I can look at the day and forgive myself for feeling like shit.  I can "Turn the Radio Up".

Right after Frank died and I had to pack up his room and drive home, I realized something in a more concrete form.  It was a coping mechanism that I had already used but not formally recognized.

"That is so loud I can't hear myself think!"

I can still hear my mother say it and you know what it is actually True!!  You can turn the radio up and sometimes if you know the song well enough and you turn it up loud enough, you really can't think.  You can only hear the music.  Now I have done some real investigation into this and just noise doesn't really work.  Loud discordant noise is just tiring when you are struggling.  Even songs that you don't know aren't helpful just because your brain doesn't follow them along.  I had the radio up this afternoon. 

We have a new family who just found out that their little boy has Muscular Dystrophy.  It just sucks all around.  I always need to turn that radio up on the way home from those appointments.  I always need to go to bed early and spend some time before I sleep, hugging that (Oh how So) precious little mancub

Snakes and Ladders

On Sunday we had a good day.  The causeway is still running over but it is really safe.  OK well, moderately safe.  The creek would still take out a non swimming child but not an adult and there were lots of adults watching them.  The water is very cold but I am known as a baby when it comes to swimming in cold water.  The kids, of course, didn't even notice.  I didn't notice either, after my feet went numb.  They all loved it and I enjoy watching 'city' kids do 'country' things. 

All the kids played on the cubby as well, climbing the ladders and the nets.  Levi remains very competent with his climbing.  While they were up the cubby, Jo found a snake in the front yard.  It was about 2 metres long and we are now sure it is an Eastern Brown.  They are really scary as Hell.  It was sighted several times that day but we haven't been able to kill it.  Since the weekend we haven't seen it again.  Actually I would prefer to get rid of it once and for all.  They are fiercely territorial and think that this one may have been chased out of his regular hunting ground by the rain, or washed down in the creek in the deluge.

Saturday

 Levi diving for the first time

These posts are running a few days late but I figure if I just keep going, I'll eventually catch up with myself.  So anyway I am doing Saturday even though it is Monday and then if I keep the motivation I can do Sunday tomorrow.  Levi continues to love Shark Bait Kids, more so now that I am letting him breathe off the octopus on my tank.  He spent some of my down time picking up toys and coins off the bottom of the pool and happily swimming along the bottom.  He is getting to be a really good swimmer.  He keeps talking about wanting to play waterpolo, mostly because of me I'm sure, but it is worse now that Ross is playing in USA as well.  I think you can only start playing at about 7 and I don't want to push him into something just because I love it.  At least I'll know the rules of this sport. 

Levi's hair is starting to look very 'Australian'.  I think that it is just that he is spending a lot of time in water and chlorine.  Well, that and he hates getting his hair washed.  I will cut his hair in the next few weeks but at the moment I am just enjoying it. 

Saturday afternoon, I was supposed to go to Mim's Mega Movie Marathon, but sometimes you just have to pull the parent card.  Levi would have been a pain.  He didn't really need a sleep, but he really needed some down time.  We stayed home and watched our own movies.  He played with the Play Doh we had made last weekend and then I got him to bed at a pretty regular time. 

Last night (Sunday night) he almost started to sleep in his own bed.  My mother thinks that I am a terrible parent for letting Levi sleep in my bed.  When he shows some interest in moving beds, I encourage it but I have no desire to push him out of my bed.  There are some nights when I go to bed and just put my hand on his chest and feel him breathe.  When I wake at night I can reassure myself just by reaching over or listening to him peacefully and rhythmically breathing, without any pain or stress.  It is sometimes enough to let me just drift back off to sleep.  On those other, much worse nights, it still helps.  Do I think he will still be there in high school?  No? So regardless of the censure, I will continue to let him sleep where he likes.  Back to his story.  We started reading his stories in his bed and he lay there after I had left for a minute but after a minute or two, he says;

"Mum, This bed isn't comfortable!"

I walked back in and asked him;

"Why?"

Levi replied, 'This space here isn't comfortable" and he pointed to the empty space beside him.

"Is that the space where I am supposed to be?"

"Yep"

Needless to say he slept in my bed and tonight he is too.  When I went to bed last night, I tested to see how long it was before he noticed even fast asleep!  The answer .......... 3 seconds.  He turned over and hugged my arm.  Isn't that the best way on earth to fall asleep?

Wildness

We went to Go Wild again Friday night.  It is a great spot for dinner.  Normally it costs $12 for the kids to play during the day but after 5.30 they have dinner and it only costs you one dinner.  I got the cheapest!  The kids can play as long as they want.  I had fed Levi before he went so he could play and we went with Ty and Steffi and their mother Nicole.  Levi plays until he is dripping with sweat.  After a full day of school, he doesn't last very long but we left at 7pm (his bedtime)  and he had a good hour and a half playing, and we both got fed.

There is an impressive jumping castle/slide an a maze of tunnels and foam to climb through and over.  As it rained and rained again, it was worth wearing him out in a place that was indoors and warm.  The weather has suddenly taken a turn for August.  It is cold and incredibly windy.  On top of that the ground is completely soaked now, so tree roots are less able to anchor trees and the like. 

I ended up leaving early from work on Friday as well.  My computer got to a stage where it wouldn't open anything at all.  On top of that I was in a fragile frame of mind.  It just comes with the territory I think.  Jane is coming back to Australia but more on that later.  There are some days at my work where although I cope, I still miss Frank more than most other days.  I talk to parents in the same place that I was and see in them the same strength and frailty that was there (and perhaps still is) in me.  I always wish that I could take some of that pain away, esp the future pain, that we all acknowledge is there but shy away from a little.  I wish that I could take it away but also know that they have to go through it just as surely as I did.  I hope that I am able to help them. 

Jane is coming back from Abu Dhabi.  I am actually not completely sure why.  There are lots of stories but I am not sure that I really will ever truly know.  I am unsettled by the likely emotional toll this will have on Jane (but knew that 2 years in Abu Dhabi was unlikely).  I am unsettled by the likely financial toll that this will have on the family (and know that getting the full story on this is unlikely as well).  I am unsettled by the emotional toll this will have on Jo as she gets sucked back into the roller coaster that is the reality of having Jane back in our house.  Bipolar disease is not just a disease affecting the person involved.  It makes all our lives a roller coaster and throws out any possibility of long term planning.  Cross your fingers for us!

Frustration

I am frustrated at work.  I am frustrated because I can't get stuff done.  Now it's not because I can't concentrate and it's not because I'm sick or tired.  What I am is sick and tired of the computers.  Our head office continually assures us that the computers are being fixed or that they are increasing the bandwidth, but frankly there has been no change.  The computers take 15 - 20 minutes to open a document and if you try to save a document, it slows down all the computers in the office, enough that we have taken to calling out "I'm about to save" prior to pressing the button.  It breaks your concentration and destroys any ability to work.  That is why I am frustrated.  Thank God for the iphone!  If it gets too frustrating we all challenge each other to a game of Boggle.  I love that game!

Jane is coming back to Australia.  I had predicted 3 months of the 2 year contract, but we only got to 2 months.  I have no idea how much money this is going to cost us.  I haven't been allowed to look at the contract but imagine that the exit clause is huge.  I have no idea what the next step is.  I have no idea what happened there and what the truth is, but I am hoping that we don't have to do this experiment again.  I think that Jane won't cope with it emotionally and we won't cope with it financially.  It is hard to have that kind of drain.  I feel sorry for Jo too.

The fun part of life continues as well.  Robert and I are working out the nitty gritty about the trip to USA, there are some fun parties coming up and we are getting organized to take Levi to a Powderfinger concert before that is just not possible anymore

Time Capsule

The river has receded a little.  You can now make it around the corner and see across the creek to the other road.  It was still well above anything that was drivable!  Where the road turns the corner, the creek eddies and deposits sand and debris, so deep that you have to shovel it out.  It is best to start shovelling while it is still covered by water because you can push out the debris into the flow of water and let it go downstream.  That is the theory.  Reality is slightly different.  If you don't push it out far enough, it all gets caught in the eddy again and redeposits.  The best bet is to shovel it to the side and let the water help you out.  Levi loves the whole 'farm boy' thing and is out there with his plastic shovel and boots.  It makes it quite difficult because you have to keep a really close eye on him.  If he loses his balance he will get washed out.  The creek wouldn't kill me at the moment but I would have to fight hard.  Levi wouldn't have a chance. 

 Levi's boots

 Helping to shovel

 Rapids where our road is

Time Capsule

Levi and I (mostly Levi) built a time capsule today and buried it in the garden.  He was very into it and I actually have no idea what is in the tine.  It is a metal flour tin that I sealed shut with clear packing tape.  Given that he will likely forget about it in a few days the real test will be to see if I can remember.  I think that I will 'remember' some day when he is bored or sick.  We can go out and dig it up and I will be able to find out what is in there.

I hope to plant something over the top as well, so it will help him to forget that it is there.  I am hoping that the tape will be waterproof enough.  Levi put everything inside into plastic bags, so we won't wreck anything even if the capsule itself fails.   My goal is to open it close to his birthday next year.  We shall see if it lasts that long!