Resilience

I was thinking about resilience today. I know that I am not the world's expert but it seems to me that resilience is something that everyone aspires to but no one really knows how to really teach it. Levi has a program at school that has five characters who all represent something they are trying to teach. Pete Persistence, Conny Confidence and Ricky Resilience are the only ones I remember but Levi pops them up at times. He talks about them but doesn't really need them. He is naturally resilient and confident and well, we can work on persistent.

I think that resilience is not about the falling over but about the getting back up. People see resilience as standing up and not breaking down in the face of stress and pressure. I think that it doesn't hurt to fall over, to break down and to stumble. It is the getting up the next day that is what defines resilience. Then Again, it is not just the getting up, but how you do it. Resilience is in getting up the next day confident that life is still worth while and as much as possible you are in control of your life. It is not about how the world views you but how you view yourself. I am tired of having to deal with people who see themselves as victims. It is so hard to have to pretend that you think that they have somehow had a 'harder' life than everyone else. Everyone faces hardship. No one misses out. You are not the victim unless you allow yourself to be the victim. You will always win if you never feel like a loser. It is something that everyone has to work on every day. I think that you can always look out and find someone else who is luckier in life than you are. While you are doing that, someone else is looking at you wishing they had your life.

I haven't forgotten Frankie. I regularly cry myself to sleep. I haven't forgotten holding my little boy as he took his last breath. I won't ever forget that pain.

I haven't forgotten what it was like to have a family, where the adults loved each other and the kids. I haven't forgotten the sadness of the separation of all that.

I haven't forgotten what it was like to see the world without a background of fear. I fought for years to make that fear be my nights but not my days and then later to make sure that it didn't even haunt my nights.

Resilience is keeping the pain, sadness and the fear in the background. It is about continuing to be happy and loving life. It is tested everyday, some more than others. It will be tested a lot this week.

I will be happy

I will love the world

I will treat each kid that I see as I would my own

I refuse to be a victim

I will try to understand those who do see themselves as victims

But you know what; I am going to really miss Frank this week. I will miss his laugh. I will miss his touch. I will miss his smell. I will miss holding him. It has been 7 years now since I held my little boy, this Sunday and I really miss him. I think I am going to bed now and cuddle up next to the sweetest, cuddliest most beautiful boy on earth and cry myself to sleep. But I am crying because I miss Frank but also because I am so grateful, for Levi.