Beach Boy

We went to the beach today.  It was a perfect perfect day!  Sunshine all day and yet we were never too hot.  The Easter holidays are generally perfect weather here, except when it isn't!  I texted friends again yesterday to see who wanted to come with us.  This time it was Ty and his family.  Levi and Ty are already over the tiff from yesterday and played together all day.  Sandgate beach is perfect for them.  That coupled with the king tides around the full moon of Easter means that there is a huge flat sandbank to play on when the tide goes out and when the tide is in, you would have to try to drown as the water is only about knee deep.

We took our bikes as well because there is a bike track along the whole foreshore.  It was fun until things started to fall off!  Levi's swimmers fell off the back of Shannon's bike at some point and then in quick succession we lost Ty's bell and finally Levi's pedal off their bikes.  Obviously Levi's was a show stopper!  We stopped and Shannon rode back to his car (finding Levi's board shorts on the way).  Then luckily we stayed where we were.  Our spot on the foreshore was shaded and the beach completely our own.  It was Levi and Ty so we didn't have to worry about them pushing themselves beyond their skills.  They are both very careful boys.  It meant that we could sit in the shade watching them.  They thought up games and played with little intervention.

Tomorrow is Easter Sunday.  We have nothing planned.  I love the sound of that!  In light of Sizzlers with friends tonight and chocolate eggs for breakfast tomorrow, I'm thinking Levi will be bouncing off the walls by about 9.30 anyway!

Dinosaur Eggs

After seeing the dinosaurs yesterday, Levi and I decided that we would make our own dinosaur eggs today.  Actually this was very very late in the day.  Today, Levi slept in until 7.30am and he had a slow one all day.  We didn't get out of our pajamas until after noon and watched TV, played and generally did very little.  By 2 pm though Levi was getting tired of my company and wanted to not only make dinosaur eggs but wanted Ty to come over to make them too. 

Now I am not the perfect Stay at Home Mother.  In fact, I am not a stay at home anything and frankly I am not great at the doing crafty things at home.  Anyway.  I looked up how to make Paper Mache glue on the Internet.  It said;

"Mix 1 cup flour into 1 cup of water until mixture is thin and runny.  Stir into 4 cups of boiling water and simmer for about 3 minutes and cool."

Really, that was it!  You wouldn't think that I could fail a recipe that easy but really, fail I did.  As Levi said;

"If you added green food coloring to this it would be exactly like snot!"

OK apart from that graphic (and fairly accurate) detail we still used the glue to make our eggs.  The boys blew up balloons and we covered them with paper strips and glue.  Levi wasn't overly fussed with the whole sticky, slimy sensory experience of it all.  Ty got into it and was happy to dip his fingers into this thick gelatinous goop and make his egg!  Levi's ended up more neat, probably because there was a whole lot less glue involved. 

It took about an hour to set up and about 3/4 of an hour to clean up afterwards.  For a fifteen minute activity, it just doesn't seem worth it at times.  Ah well, at least we have to paint it yet!  Thinking that is going to have the same prep/clean up/activity ratio, but that is what parenting is about hey!  Failed at the glue and it lasted fifteen minutes!

Levi and Ty then bounced on the trampoline for about an hour and a half, which served to reduce Levi's activity drive for the day and put his asthma into overdrive for the night!  They bounced happily until Ty face planted into the net.  At least by the time he did that, his Dad was here, so he could deal with the crying and then the subsequent tantrum after Ty's sister wasn't punished for the supposed slight to his pride.  Then it deteriorated into Ty 'hating' Levi (according to Levi) and Levi wanting him to come back!  Oh it will have blown over by tomorrow morning when we all go to beach, but it made for a hard night. 

Tonight Levi had trouble going to sleep.  First of all he was wound up because of Ty and second of all he was having breathing.  He kept getting up and saying his chest hurt and he couldn't get breath.  He had already had his inhaler but it wasn't quite enough.  He finally went to bed and I went and snuggled with him.  He said that he couldn't sleep because he got scared when he couldn't breathe and that he didn't want to have trouble breathing and end up stopping like Frankie and Ethan.  I explained that he wasn't going to have the same problems as Frankie because there was only one kid in the world at any one time that had his disease and Levi didn't have it.  I explained that Ethan had died of brain cancer and it was completely different.  I said that I understood it felt scary when it was hard to breathe but he was going to stay with me.

He said that was good and rolled over and went to sleep. 

I hope that he gets some comfort in that thought.  He wasn't having so much trouble breathing that I was concerned but I have to admit, the sensitivity on my 'Concern meter' is broken!  Needless to say, the mancub is in my bed tonight!

Queensland Museum

Today we went to the Queensland Museum.  It has been closed for about 18 months while they refurbished it and brought in new exhibits.  We wanted to see the mummy tour from Egypt but I hadn't read the fine print, (or even the large print in bold at the top of the flyer), that said it didn't start for another two weeks.  I think that I didn't look because it would be stupid to start an exhibit the day after the school holidays end, but what do I know?  It was fabulous fun and better yet it is free.  Well free except petrol and parking.  It is so much fun watching all the kids getting a kick out of science.

I am having a holiday with Levi that involves no forward planning.  It is great!  In the morning we decide what we want to do and then I text a bunch of his friends to see who wants to join us.  Today I took Zoe and Guy with us.  Their parents both had to work and the kids would have had to stay home with their older brothers and decided to come and play with us instead!  We ran races against Olympic athletes and made tornadoes.  We checked out dinosaurs and built arches and solved crimes.  The kids all had so much fun.  I had fun too.  By the afternoon, all the kids were trashed and were starting to show the cracks.  Tonight, Levi was more than happy to go to bed, but felt it was necessary to sleep in my bed!

The electricity was impressive!

Party Time

Today was my official first day of vacation.  Actually it wasn't even that yet!  I was supposed to work but took it off.  It meant that I got to go to Levi's friend Alex's birthday party (and take the photos).  It was great fun.  Because I wasn't really expecting to be there, I didn't even really know what time that we were supposed to be there but we muddled our way there on time.  The party had a big jumping castle and many kids.  Levi had a blast!  He was sweaty and hot and exhausted by the end but he was really happy even though he didn't know many of the kids.  In fact lying on the couch this afternoon Levi said;

"I can't move because I'm all sticky"

OK that's gross but still, he was right!  I told him to wash everything tonight, hair, teeth and body.  He laughed and went and did just that.  Then when we 'huggled' tonight he smelled great.  He was asking to cuddle with me tonight and was tired so he gave me huggled because he got caught between hug and cuddle.

The other thing that happened today was I got all the yard work done.  It means that I can now have fun with Levi for the whole week without stressing about stuff that needs to be done around the house!

Crystals and Clouds

I just received the new crystal 3D photo.  I got one of Levi about the same age as Frankie was in the first crystal.  Look at this cheeky smile.  It hasn't changed.  It makes me happy every time I look at it.  This one sits on my desk at work as well.  Work has been hard lately, not because it is all that hard but because one by one all my friends are leaving.  I am just whining, because I meet new friends with the new people that we hire, but indulge me for a minute; one today announced that she was leaving for a new job, one just had a baby,one is due in early October.  I am going to be the 'old hand' and I have only been there about four and a half years.  Wow, four and a half ears!  It feels like just yesterday and forever ago that I left USA. 

 I am hoping that it gets stable again soon but the chances are minimal!  It is a profession of mostly women and we have a majority of those in child bearing age.  It makes sense that the turn over is high but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with!

I took tomorrow off.  I had several things on (mostly meetings) and most of them were cancelled, so I decided to just take the day.  Actually I did more than that.  I took off the afternoon as well and went to a movie.  I thought that nothing could make Hunger Games look good but after seeing Wrath of the Titans, I might have to revise the bottom of the scale downward.  Actually it is the sort of movie that I quite like usually but I think this was bland and a bit off track even for a movie I'd normally love. 

I was driving home from an appointment today and thinking about Frankie and maybe Frankie was thinking about me at the same time because there in a clear blue sky was an 'F' in the clouds.  I know that randomly these shapes will happen but I am glad that this shape happened randomly today when I was thinking about and loving my little boy.

Exploring

Levi had a friend over yesterday.  I love it when this friend comes over because they play so well together.  There is always plenty of clean up to do afterwards but it is worth it in time and the joy of listening to happy laughter.  On bad days of missing Frankie, I am better if I can hear his laughter.  It sounds so unreserved, so happy, so .... healthy!  Ty and Levi went exploring and it involved elaborate set up and preparation, followed by; well nothing really!  After they had set everything up and organized a plan, they ditched everything and went and played on the trampoline!

Levi found a rope and they tied it to the tree and across the yard.  They had backpacks that were full.  What they were full of was any one's guess.  They both had goggles on, Levi night vision goggles and Ty with safety glasses. 

The boys ran around the yard until they were completely exhausted.  It all happened again today, as I was at work and Levi went to Ty's for the day.  I have to work the next two days but then I have a week off over Easter. 

I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook but it veers more on the side of love on days like yesterday.  I posted that I missed Frankie on his birthday and sometimes you get stories that I hadn't heard before.  I makes my heart feel lighter knowing that there are people other than Frank's three parents who miss him.  This from a sweet girl who would have been barely preteen when he died:

Miss you and love you both so much!  Happy birthday Frankie, you're always in my thoughts and my prayers and I can't wait to play with you again some day in an awesome bunk bed fort castle like you loved so much.  And you still can protect me from the dragons with your shield and sword because, as you told me; "You're the girl, so you have to be the princess, but princesses can have swords too.  If you want to hold it for a minute, then give it back when I hear a dragon coming, then I need it"!  I'll always remember our playdates, my little knight.  I love you birthday boy and sending all my love to you Susie, the most amazing and strong mother I have ever known.  Xoxo

It is such a pleasure to read memories that I don't have. 

I think that William Blake summed it up, the feeling that you have giving birth;

To see a world in a grain of sand
And a heaven in a wild flower
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand
And eternity in an hour.

For me it is the idea that for but a moment, you hold the future in one hand.  That it changes both you and the child.  But the end of that poem should have warned me;

Every night and every morn
Some to misery are born
Every morn and every night
Some are born to sweet delight
Some are born to sweet delight
Some are born to endless night

Twelve

This little man would have been twelve today

I miss playing with your hand and feeling your hand on my arm.  I miss hearing you and watching you grow.

I don't miss you struggling to breathe and I don't miss your pain.  Today, I really miss you though.  I remember Evan stroking your hand as you slept and how much he loves you.  I remember Ross running with you and how much he loves you too.  I wish that Levi had those memories as well.  I wish Levi could talk to you in real life, not just in his dreams. 

Your eyes were always older than they should have been.  You always knew, didn't you. These photos were taken before you were 24 hours and yet there is that look in your eyes, that ageless adult look.  Ah darling, I miss you so much.