Why Worry Now?

One of my top albums recorded in my life time is 'Brothers in Arms' by Dire Straits.  I think that Mark Knopfler may be one of the best song writers and singers that I have ever heard.  That said, if I ever met him in the street, I would not have a single chance of recognising him.  This song Why Worry Now? is just beautiful and makes me wish that I could play steel guitar.  This is the album that helped me get through University.  It wasn't about the work load, it was everything else.  It was at a stage of my life when I really did worry about things.  I used to worry about things in my control but I also worried about those that were completely out of my control.  I have since stopped.

I am thinking about this because although Levi was scary sick this week, I never really worried about him.  I asked myself if he had Meningitis and tested him, but knew that I would have coped as well with either a positive result or the eventually negative result.  I asked myself if he had Pneumonia and took him to the doctor to check.  Then I just waited for him to recover.  He is recovering I can assure you but the progress is slow.  This was a hell of a flu.  I am staying away from any of the kids that I work with, because anything that can flatten a healthy six year boy for that long, would kill them.  He has bounced back but I will keep him off again tomorrow because now he is just weak and tired and still needs an afternoon nap, which I think we can't really accommodate at school.

But what about worry?  I was talking with the other 'Soccer Mums' last week about this.  Now my soccer mum is a bit different from the one that comes to mind.  We sit on the sideline, tell jokes and generally rehash our week.  It is lovely.  Neither of these ladies has kids in Levi's class.  Actually they both missed the cut by being born in July or later and are in a lower grade than Levi.  Still I love these ladies.  I asked me how come I don't seem to worry about anything.  It made me think. 

I think that part of worry is a state of mind.  I think that part of worry is the lack of information and part of worry is a lack of power over the circumstances.  When Frankie was sick, I did worry but made a conscious decision to stop.  Why worry now about a future that can only get worse.  Worrying will only darken the time that you have left.  I started by scheduling a time to worry and at other times, I would think, "I'll leave that to worry time", but soon found that I would miss the time.  I found that I could in fact, live in the moment.  I found that it didn't stop me trying to think of solutions for him, but it did stop me perseverating on not finding the solution.  If you are given a problem with no known answer, it makes it hard to beat yourself up for being unable to find a solution. 

Now for me, there is the added "What's the worst that can happen?" litany.  Once 'the worst' has already happened, what can you do to me that I haven't already lived through.  It is hard to imagine something of Frankie's magnitude happening to Levi (or Evan, Or Ross for that matter), but I would live through it.  I have given all the boys the most that I am capable of.  If I died tomorrow, Levi would remember his mother as someone who loved him dearly and hopefully with the other structures in place, would grow up happy and healthy.  I think that I can't imagine the pain I would feel if it happened the other way around and Levi somehow died.  But I can imagine it.  More than that I can remember it and feel it still, but I have lived through that pain and although I still hurt, that pain made me a better person.  So why worry about something like that?  If I can't stop or change something, I am not going to bother to worry about it.

Why Worry Now?