I am starting to pick myself up again and walk taller again. It has been a hard week but I think that it always will and it is more about gritting your teeth and living through the day again. Every year. It is about remembering and crying and grieving all over again, but without the recognition that I am allowed to still grieve. It is about being strung out and not quite coping and in your heart knowing that it is just going to happen every year. You know, I am actually kind of OK with it. I am not good with it but I am OK. To a certain extent it gives me a reason to remember and a little more time to think about Frankie and a little more time to love him.
The people at work are incredibly sweet about the whole thing. So much is happening there at the moment and my problems are the least of them, yet still they all know and all remember to treat me gently that day and the ones around it. I suspended my "Only two coffees a week" rule this week and I have found that to be a really good decision because walking down for coffee forces me to take a break and just chill.
Levi has been lovely this week although inexplicably he has begun to pee in a bucket outside. I am struggling to think of a legitimate reason to say No. He has decided that he wants to keep it for a week. Why? Oh who knows! I made him put the bucket well away from the house and other than that I figure it will rain soon and he will forget. I am sorely tempted to put food coloring into it changing it green or blue or something. The only drawback to that would be that it would maintain interest in the experiment longer than if I just left it alone. That and he might try to take it to Show and Tell!
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