One of those days

Everyone has one of those days. Those days when everything just doesn't really sit right inside you. I am not sure what triggers everyone else. I don't know if everyone else's 'Days' are like mine but mine was triggered by these photos. OK not really the photos. I took the photos afterward. Sometimes, Levi looks so much like Frankie it is scary. It doesn't happen that much anymore, as Levi gets older and thinner and Frank is forever frozen at chubby and little, but some nights; Man! I think that it is the nights that are the worst. I am tired and more susceptible. Levi's face relaxes into a younger expression than during the day and then some nights when he sweats a little, his hair curls. It is the hair that changes Levi so completely to Frankie.

On days like that I am quieter all day. I am more work oriented because I need to compartmentalize more. I can play, but it is harder. I can act as if I am the same, but the people who know me really well tend to know. Maybe it is just PMS. Maybe I am just tired. Maybe against all sense and all reason I still miss Frank sometimes as if no time at all has passed. I miss that I could pick the times though, but that isn't how it works. It works by slamming you into a wall at the most unexpected times. It works by dropping you into a hole.

Levi is such a sweet little boy and that helps, although I suspect he would help no matter how nice or otherwise he was. Last night we had pizza. Levi carried it in and I went and did some things outside. When I finally came in Levi had put 2 pieces of pizza on two plates and some drinks. He was so proud of himself. I was proud of him. He's growing into a great little man. A little man that I love so much. I think that made it harder still when that night, he slept so like his brother.