Sick? Not!

I had today off.  It was lovely.  Levi and I could sleep in as long as we wanted.  Because I had the day off I had organized to go and see a movie with as many of my nieces and nephew as possible.  They are mostly in university, so Friday morning is generally pretty quiet.  It was lovely to be able to just have some time with them.  Soon they will all be adults in their own rights, with jobs and families, and it is nice to steal a few moments while they still have time.  I met for coffee with the one that couldn't make the movie because her lectures started earlier (meaning noon - it is Uni).  Then saw a movie and had lunch with the rest.

When I had Levi in the car ready to drop him off for school, he said;

"Mum, you are dropping me off this morning, right?"

"Yes I am"

"And you are picking me up?"

"That's right"

"Do you have a day off today?"

"Yes, I do"

And then he said in all seriousness and completely cracking me up;

"I'm feeling sick"

Yes, he is trying that routine already!  I was talking to the kids at lunch and they said that the youngest (still in school) had managed to convince her mother that she needed to be off as well.  I so wish I could take them all, but during the day is the only time I have consistent babysitting, so they will have to miss out for the moment.  I was happy that during lunch, all the kids were sitting there deciding when to do it again, so I think they enjoyed it.  I certainly did!

Normal? Day

We keep on moving.  Days seem to just go on.  Levi has been more grumpy than usual but I have little to complain about given that he really has the mildest temperament!  He is happy enough but has little niggling things.  Maybe he is just testing me.  Today we went to soccer in his school clothes, because he had decided that he 'hated' soccer and didn't want to get dressed.  I told him that I didn't care what he wore but we are going to soccer.  Of course, half way there he 'loved' soccer again.  Who knows what that kid is thinking sometimes!

At the moment my house looks like someone exploded a few cardboard boxes in it.  Levi's new game in the last few weeks has been to cut up cardboard boxes. 

Is he making things with them? I hear you ask.

"No, he isn't" would be the answer.

He is seriously cutting up the boxes into little squares about 2 inches square.  Every now and then, he builds something with sticky tape and staples, depleting my store of both.  Mostly however he just cuts then up and either gives the bits out as 'coupons' or 'tickets'.  Again, who knows what that kid is thinking sometimes??

Every night before he goes to sleep, after the stories and the sight words but before the cuddles, he wants me to give him maths problems.  He can do most addition to about 100.  He can do Subtraction from 100 to about -20 and he can do multiplication to about 50.  Tonight I asked him 3 X 8 and he got to 24 but it was from a very interesting angle.  He goes from what he knows.  He divided 8 by 2 and got 4.  Then he multiplies 4 by 3 getting 12.  Finally adding 12 and 12 together.  It was certainly not the direction that I would have gone and was fairly convoluted, but there is a basic logic to it all.  So much fun to watch him learn sometimes!

Meltdown

Levi had a funny day yesterday.  He spent the first two hours of Sunday morning begging me to go to Ruby's place.  After finally giving in and taking him to Ruby's house, he freaked out and didn't want to stay.  I have no idea what his problem was.  Still don't!  He cried and didn't want me to leave. 

Now, I would have understood if this was the first time he had been to Ruby's house (Nope, every month or so). 

I would have understood if he had not been left at a friend's house without me before (Nope, since he was about 3). 

I would understand if he was still sick (Nope been well since Tuesday!)

I knew that if I could peel his hands from my legs and escape out the door, he would be fine about a nanosecond after the door closed behind me.  Ian (Ruby's Dad) was great and spent the time thinking up things that would be really fun to do after I managed the hand peel.  I wasn't going to give in, because little Ruby was so excited to have him again and for such a little thing, I wasn't going to disappoint her.  Finally he went to watch 'Karate Kid' (the bribe that worked) and I went shopping.  I texted Ian to see how Levi was doing .... of course .... fine as soon as I walked out the door.  I just don't know what's going on in that kid's mind sometimes. 

Today we had a whole day of Professional Development talking about play.  It drives me nuts to have to sit in a seat for a whole day.  It does my head in!  I can do about 2 hours absolutely tops before I just lose track.  One of the things that I thought was interesting in the presentation was the first statement:

'We are all born with the same abilities and then we build on them"

Maybe in their world.  In my world, some babies can't lift their heads or swallow when they are born.  In my world, some kids are born with abilities, build on them for a bit and then crushingly slowly lose those very abilities.  In my world, some babies can't see or hear.  For them all I will keep getting up in the morning and trying my utmost to make their time on earth, regardless of how long that is!

Samford Show

I am feeling better.  As Kate so aptly commented, I was over it almost as soon as I wrote it down.  I realised that I needed some time doing normal things.  I just needed time as Evan said so long ago "All by self!"  So that is what I did.  I had some time the next morning at work before anyone came in.  They were very productive hours.  Then after a couple of people came in we were chatting and I convinced them to have a huge lunchtime break and come and see Harry Potter with me.  One of the best things about my work is the flexibility of my hours.  You can work longer hours in the beginning of the week.  It is great, esp on a Friday, when most in my office don't work full days.  So we all took a two and a half hour lunch, walked the five minutes to the shopping centre and watched Harry.

Now, I love the books and the movies but want to be a slightly dissenting voice in the chorus of good reviews for this movie.  I thought that this one wasn't as good as either Deathly Hallow Part 1 or Half Blood Prince, both of which I thought was brilliant.  It was a good enough movie, don't get me wrong, but just not brilliant.  I was worried going in that they would do the 'Kings Cross Station in the sky' scene poorly, but thought they did that incredibly well.  I just thought they were too much into the duel at the end.

Then I went to my 'sanity' friend's place for dinner.  I can relax and chat (and cry).  Levi plays happily with her children, without my intervention at all.  I caught up with the big things happening in her life and she caught up with the things happening in mine.  I can bounce things off her and never feel judged.  Everyone needs friends like that and I have been blessed in my life with several.  I came away feeling refreshed and not just able to shoulder life again, but to start to do it joyously again!  I think that these 'sessions' are good for Levi too.  He deserves to have a Mum who is happy and fun to be with.

Saturday and Sunday this weekend is the Samford show.  My dad used to say that Samford's show is the only one where you need safety glasses to watch the wood chipping.  I took some photos of Levi sitting on the fence watching the motorbike jumping and you can see from them, just how close we were to that.  At one point they came so close to the wall, Levi got a fright and after they went past, this big eyed face turns to me and says "that was a bit close!"

Unipolar in a Bipolar World

Pippy was down with us the last few days because the rest of the household is down at the island.  She doesn't suffer by this (obviously)!  It has been difficult for me, not because of the dog but looking after the rest of the farm.  At extremely short notice, I am having to 'do' the farm and organize getting Levi to school.  It has just got to me in the last few days. 

I think that I am just sick of being Unipolar in a Bipolar world.  Now I don't doubt that it is hard to be bipolar at times, but I think it can be freeing at times too.  I don't want to be bipolar, but I am tired of being the person who has to pick up afterward.  I am tired of being responsible.  I am tired of being reliable.

1.  I want Financial stress to be 'the time waiting for someone else to bail me out' rather than the crushing limitation on social activity and spending

2.  I want to be the fun aunt, buying expensive presents for my nieces and nephews, because if I run out of money whatever ... see number 1

3.  I want to be able to change my plans instantly regardless of who that will affect, because, hell, I'm the only important person on earth

4.  I want to make up stories and lie without any accountability, because if I get found out, I can always just make up a bigger lie to cover the previous one

I wish that I could have some days that are just about me.  I know.  I know.  I wouldn't know what to do with a day like that.  I would love a day that I could just hand over some burdens, perhaps cry on someone's shoulder.  Nah!

But I am just tired and cranky.  I mostly have empathy (OK not tonight!), but I think I am just at the end of this candle.  The candle that I started burning at both ends and then without any control, someone else lit it in the middle as well.

Cold again

It is just cold as it could possibly be at night at the moment.  I turn on the electric throw rug when Levi has a shower and then it has time to heat up enough to snuggle into bed.  Downstairs in a concrete brick house it just never really gets a chance to warm up at all.  The dog comes down and snuggles under a blanket and I have my little warmer in there when I go to bed. 

I would love a little global warming at the moment and am struggling to get my head around this whole carbon tax thing.  I am not sure what is best.  Best for me.  Best for Australia.  Best for the planet.  I do think that it is a political stunt to a certain extent, but Australia has always led the world in ecologically sound practice.  It has held the solar race from when they were tiny cars and huge batteries driving across a desert.  But taxing carbon?  That I don't know.  I wish I could get some information that wasn't coloured by political speak.

Levi had his first day back at school today and I think that it was the first day that he was actually well, for the first time in about two weeks.  Sucks that he had a whole holiday of being sick and just got well before going back to school.  this next term is going to be impossibly busy, with one reprieve in the centre.  We have a weeks holiday in Cairns, mid august.

Ambulance Day

I am in a contemplative mood.  Sorry.  Some of it has to do with the day, which was weird in many ways.  We got up and went to swimming.  it was a bad lesson, because the regular teacher wasn't there and so the lesson didn't really fit with the kid's skill.  Then we came home and we had been here for a little while when Brian came down from upstairs.

Brian and his wife Jude are staying a while because Jo is down at the island.  Anyway he came down to tell me that Jude needed help to get to the bathroom. I went up and she was in so much pain she couldn't move.  They wanted me to 'PT' her but I have had experience in these things.  I called an ambulance.  In my less experienced days I made a huge mistake by not calling an ambulance.  A friend had fallen onto her back from the veranda railing at a party one night.  Early the next morning she called me to come help her.  When I got there she was in lots of pain.  I was about 2 years out of University, but everything screamed at me that she had fractured her spine.  I begged her to call an ambulance.  She convinced me to drive her instead. 

I was an idiot!

She was incredibly lucky!

Her spine was fractured in several places.  It was unstable in at least one place.  Lucky is not strong enough word.  After twelve months of stabilization, she has come out of it neurologically intact.

That was my history.  I didn't want to make the same mistake.  So I had a long conversation with dispatch.  About five minutes of the conversation to establish that she would send us an ambulance Code 1.  The rest of the conversation was directions...No, we don't have a number.  Have the ambulance just keep driving until they see a kid waving them down.  Please don't stop at the creek.  No, not Samford, Yugar.  OK, not Yugar, Closeburn!  It is confusing.  We live in three suburbs.  Our mail runs through Samford and it is the only place most people know.  Our road is in Closeburn, but officially we don't live on that road, but another.  That road is in Yugar, but that road only exists on paper and in theory.  Certainly no ambulance is going to drive it. 

Anyway, we got Jude to hospital.  She was unable to move without several doses of morphine, so I think my chances of getting her to move were slight.  The doctors think she had scar tissue tear and she is home again tonight, but much better than this morning.

Levi is still sleeping more than he usually does and I suspect that he is still getting over his illness.  He was wonderful through all the drama today and was more mature than I suspected.  He held Jude's hand and drew her pictures and generally kept her mind off it all.  When I needed him to, that six year old went out and waved down an ambulance and directed the paramedics inside.  I am very proud of him.